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Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 9215
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I'm 21. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me

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I'm 21. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me a month ago, because he 'doesnt want to settle for ages'. He was the only boy I'd ever kissed and slept with. Looking back since I've done sexual things with a new guy I'm dating (not slept with him), I have realised that my boyfriend wasn't sexually okay with me. I would often have lots of bruises after sex ect, generally hurting me and be too forceful. On one occasion a year ago I said I wasn't ready and he put it in anyway, but went slow to begin with. I told him before he was too rough and hurt me, but I never said no during so I don't know if I was sexually abused or it was my own fault? I thought it was normal and I just had to put up with the pain for his pleasure.
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Thank you!

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm very sorry to know about your distressful situation. Your question has been referred to me. Could you please tell me if you still want to discuss your situation?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I truly lament to know you indeed suffered from sexual abuse/violence perpetrated by your ex-boyfriend. There is no way to justify any form of abuse or manipulation, and his actions were abusive and violent without a doubt.

Your young age, naiveness, lack of experience and insight about it, exposed you to it and tolerating his abusive ways enabled further abuse. I am relieved to know you are no longer suffering from that person's abusive and violent ways.

Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you that makes me feel a lot better
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Do you think that makes him a bad person or he didn't realise the extent of the damage?

People could be more or less aware of their hurtful actions. If this person doe snto have a developmental delay or cognitive deficiency, then he has developed a distorted personality affecting his sexual behavior, and he should be accountable for it. Unhappily the more immature, selfish and alienated the person, the bigger the damage they will perpetrate.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
That makes sense because I have always thought he was selfish
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't want to report him. But what should I do now?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
He wasn't alway violent towards me. He could be sweet and caring it's all very confusing in my mind

That shows his manipulation. Your first priority is to heal yourself, and for that, I strongly invite you to consider psychotherapy as the best source of professional support to work on any life issue, especially when feeling overwhelmed by distress and painful circumstances to ensure your own health, effective coping, and the best possible outcome.

In psychotherapy, you will develop further insight into what actions could enable your healing and rehabilitation, and the therapist will support you on what you choose to do about this person's past abusive/violent actions.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you I will. You have deeply helped me, thank you.

You’re very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state “For Rafael only” in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Also, know that I provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss this in more detail or any other concern, and the best approach to work on it.

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.


Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 9215
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael-E-Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you