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Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6228
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please

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Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: This man David.we dated for 2 years. Split up for 1.5 years . Got back as FWB. That FWB involved holidays . Dinners. Talks every day
Assistant: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: So in May I was feeling down. He pulled away. Told me he would never settle with me. Told me he would never be caught. Told me he had been out and had a kiss with a girl at the weekend
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
So i went on holiday to his apartment in portugal. When i arrived he said oh have yiu not got a man yet. I said no. He said go and get one. So I did. Then he sent me all these pictures of girls he had been talking too past year. I was so upset so I went to meet the man I met. Then David said he was messing about and could bare anyone near me
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
However I got so drunk. My mum let the man into the apartment. I was in bed sleeping. I woke up to a condom wrapper etc on the floor. David knew I was acting strange the next day. Long story short. I did every thing to cover up what I'd done.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm 42 and I've never had a one night stand. I can't even rem kissing the man.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
So as I was acting strange David downloaded the video footage of the holiday and knew I'd lied. He has details of things I dont rem happening
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
As a result he text me nasty messages for a few weeks. Dies not believe me that I don't rem
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
So we talked and text a few months . Then one day he just blocked me
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm not coping with this at all
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I made a fool of myself. Ringing with withheld number sending emails
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm so conflicted . I feel like I'm a bad person. I hate that I've lost him
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm so stuck
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
David is 52. One day he said im dumped be sure of the lies. Next because I deserve a good man. Next because he knows he capable of damaging me. Which one is it?
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Sorry I mean he said it was over because of my lies trying to cover things up. How I'm not the girl he thought I was. Then the next day it's because I deserve better. Next because we are not suited or matched. Next because he didn't treat me right. Next because he could damage me. Which one is it. Why the sudden block.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I had holidays planned in July and August to his apartment. I lost all my holidays

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful and most probably overwhelming situation.

What you are describing here shows a very unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship, which started as a regular relationship, but then became FWB, where this person felt comfortable and entitled to use you and tell you that you were foolish is expecting you'd ever have a real, normal relationship with him. The same person who sent you all those pictures, and whose words can be as abusive, manipulative and hurtful as you have described here.

 

When the same person feels comfortable and entitled to be this hurtful, abusive and manipulative, does use nice words to fool you back into a relationship that hurts you, even more, do not believe the nice words, but what your pain has been showing about this person.

 

What happened with this other man was the result of your vulnerability, him pushing and manipulating you in such abusive ways, that you felt overwhelmed and that's why it happened. Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I'm in floods here. I feel like a bad person. I'm not a cheat. I was taken advantage of. David need saying my school girl mask has slipped
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Yes it does make sense. Thank you
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I feel so discarded. Like useless
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I don't know how to fix my pain

You cannot fix anything in yourself because you are a human being and do not need fixing. What you need and deserve is healing and rehabilitation, from this very painful and hurtful relationship. He has not only neglected you but used and pushed you to hurt yourself even more. His actions do not show any form of love, but a narcissistic entitlement to use, abuse, control,. manipulate and hurt you.

This person does not deserve you at all. Your healing start by coming to terms with the fact that your first right, need and responsibility is to respect, protect, understand, love and support yourself since it is from there that you will take good care of yourself, and know how to set healthy and clear boundaries, without allowing or enabling anybody to use, abuse, manipulate, neglect or hurt you.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
I wish I'd done this month's ago. I thought I was going mad.
Customer: replied 2 months ago.
As now he has blocked me and I've been feeling so worthless and quilty. Thinking he hated me for being a cheat. But it's his guilt? Or what ever it is

This person is not a teenager to act out in such terrible, immature and selfish ways. What he did pushing you as he did is unacceptable, and show not only lack of resp[ect and love, but narcissistic abuse and sadism. Now you do not doubt how destructive and unhealthy this person is, so please commit to your healing and rehabilitation process.

 

This person does not deserve a second of your ti,e. Please fully block him, to ensure he does not contact you again because I believe he will as soon as he sees that you are not more needy, codependent;y asking for his love and attention. When he sees he can not continue using and abusing you to boost his ego, he will try everything to fool you back into this nightmare, and that's something you cannot afford.

Please consider psychotherapy as the best source of professional support to work on any life issue, especially when feeling overwhelmed by distress and painful circumstances to ensure your own health, effective coping, and the best possible outcome.

 

Healing and rehabilitating are gradual processes, they are not easy, but necessary and absolutely worthy.

Customer: replied 2 months ago.
Rafael thankyou so so much

You’re very welcome. This very painful situation can become the best thing that happened to you since allowing you to wake up to reality and liberate yourself from this awful and narcissistic person, so to start to work on empowering yourself and finding people who truly deserve you and your love.

 

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.

 

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile https://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/expert-rafael-therapist/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state “For Rafael only” in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

 

Also, know that I provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss this in more detail or any other concern, and the best approach to work on it.

 

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.

 

Rafael.

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