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Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8633
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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My husband (Ive been married 10 years( has a longterm female

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My husband (Ive been married 10 years( has a longterm female friend formed before my marriage. I have always been rather concerned about how she, now a widow, feels about him but have trusted my husband. Recently when he was finishing a long conversation with her on the phone I overheard her saying 'I love you'. My husband goes into a rage if I question his loyalty but i am worring about this. What should I do?
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: My husband often kisses other woman on the cheek and is very friendly with them in front of me when I happen to meet them when we are out.
Hello,

I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.

Thank you!
Nicola
Customer: replied 7 days ago.
Dear JustAnswer

As there is a problem in finding the right counsellor to answer my query I think it best I cancel for a full refund of the £5 . Please email me to confirm the refund

Ann

Thank you for patience - this is the first I've been made aware of your post - no idea why it didn't show up sooner, but it's very possible the California power company (PG&E) shutting power down to a million people (I'm one of them) had something to do with it. This computer has been running off a cell phone for 3 days now - and it's not a reliable internet connection whatsoever

 

Now, with regard to your husband's overly friendly nature and this widowed woman from his past:

 

First - most men (truly, the vast majority) aren't likely to cheat if all of their affections and interactions occur right in front of you. What you have to worry about is anything he makes secretive. So the phone calls and kisses on cheeks are certainly overt, but most likely innocent and certainly nothing more than what he shows right in front of you.

 

Second - I understand your concerns about this long-time "friend", newly widowed; however, if he had any inclinations toward her in a romantic way - he wouldn't have married YOU, he'd have pursued her or waited patiently for her to be available.

 

Her saying, "I love you" could be something she's said to him "as a friend" for most or all of the years she's known him. Many people say this in a platonic way. We can love someone and not want to marry them or have sex with them. This woman may say it to her female friends as well. Sort of like those people who call even strangers, "Darlin'" or "Honey", etc..

 

Once more - that he conducts these calls right in front of you not only should reassure YOU that it's innocent, but it could be that he does it in order for you to make sure it STAYS innocent.

 

All this said - calmly tell him how you feel without saying it in the same way you have before which triggers him to get upset.

In order to change a response that's the same every time - you need to change the way you approach it.

Perhaps start by asking him if he'd be suspicious or uncomfortable if you were chatting in depth with a male friend from your past

 

By encouraging him in a gentle way to look at this from a more personal point of view (his seeing it happen TO him rather than your seeing it happen to YOU) - may be the perspective necessary for his having an "AHA! moment"

 

Make sense?

Customer: replied 7 days ago.
Dear Dr Rev. August Abbott, Thank you very much for your wise and measured response. I will follow your advice. Since I married late and had been single for a long time beforehand, it is sometimes difficult to deal with a situation like this where I have hitherto had no experience. God Bless, Ann

Dear Ann, I will be here for you all the way and no matter what ok? You are not in this alone or without someone you can confide in; a safe place to say and think and worry right out loud and without concern about judgement or my telling anyone.

 

I have your back as they say.

 

Please don't forget to rate this with the stars either at the top of your screen or bottom. It will NOT close the question - we can continue as long as you need.

 

Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8633
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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