Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful situation.
I can see why you feel this angry and frustrated. You feel uncomfortable with your wife suddenly communicating in such a friendly way with a man you do not know, even when you are in your bed.
These are reasonable emotions for most people in your shoes, ut at the same time, as you have described here, their plan to meet was canceled, and you have accessed all their messaging and found there was nothing significantly inappropriate. What I see is fueling your anger, is your decision not to be honest and open about it, and setting healthy and clear boundaries about how you feel and what you do not feel comfortable with. like them chatting when you are together in bed, lat at night and similar scenarios.
You need to stop disrespecting your wife but violating her privacy. You should directly ask her anything you need and want to know. She felt comfortable showing you her messages, so it seems that is not a problem for her. But you need to openly and clearly talk about it not only to protect your personal, but also your marital health and well-being. Does it make sense?
Thank you for sharing this key information. Your past around how you got together explains your overwhelming fears and anxiety about your present and future as a couple. But if you address this situation in the present in an assertive, honest, accountable and proactive way, then you will not have to endlessly speculate and fuel anxiety and destructive conflict about things.
This is why I strongly suggest you be fully open and honest with your wife, discuss how you feel, and what each of you needs and expects from each other, confirm what healthy boundaries look like for both of you, and make a clear agreement both will comply with.
You’re very welcome. I am glad to hear that. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile https://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/expert-rafael-therapist/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state “For Rafael only” in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Also, know that I provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss this in more detail or any other concern, and the best approach to work on it.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.