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Tori, Psychologist
Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 44
Experience:  Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
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Are you live now? Assistant: The Psychologist will know what

Customer Question

Hey are you live now?
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: I’ve been seeing a girl only for 7 days, I met her a week ago, we hit it off unbelievablely well I saw her every single day and we had an insane connection we both could not believe it, she basically she told me she could fall in love with me. I just left to go back to my parents who live 2 hours away today and when I got back I had this message sent ‘ Billy man I don’t know how to say this, but basically the lad I was seeing for the past year has tried getting back in contact with me this past week but I’ve been ignoring him like all the time, but he’s just rang and said he’s seriously struggling and down, and I have been hearing that he is and that he’s seriously bad on drugs so it’s just making me proper worry. I feel like I need to help him at the minute until he gets back on his feet because he’s helped me do that before, but it would mean postponing whatever we have going on here? I’m sorry I didn’t expect this to happen at all, and I get if you’re angry, but I like you and respect you enough to tell you the truth because that would be the literally only reason why we couldn’t do this at the minute, I promise X’ I took it as in yes that’s fine, should I wait and trust her? Or if she really liked me as much as she says she does would she actually do this and postpone things with us? What mindset should I have?
Assistant: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: No
Submitted: 14 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Nicola-mod replied 13 days ago.
Hello,

I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.

Thank you!
Nicola
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
Yes I will wait
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 13 days ago.

Hi, I hope I can offer some assistance with your question.

I am a work psychologist and therapist and so will answer your question from this perspective.

As she has been open and honest with you as far as you can see at the moment, it would seem reasonable to take what she has said at face value.

However, there is much that can be gained from reading between the lines. You have shared an enjoyable week together, however you have still only known her for a week, so I think it is important that you keep this in due perspective. It has also been a bit of a whirlwind by the sounds of it, and there can be many reasons for people making these sorts of intense emotional connections, such as their needs, state of mind, vulnerability etc. I would also consider her mention of 'the lad she was seeing's drug problem', and her reference to him helping her do this before, which could be taken as him helping her with a drug problem before, which would certainly raise alarm bells for most people, and would indicate there may be a pattern of addiction, and all that would go with this. This can often lead to unstable, unpredictable, intense, and unsatisfying relationships, and so at this stage would be something to seriously consider whether this is an area you would want to pursue at the moment.

I hope that gives you some other perspectives to consider in terms of what feels and would be right for you at the moment.

 

Please let me know if I can offer any further assistance. If you are satisfied with my response, please provide a positive rating.

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
Thank you for your response,
When I have been with her she has not been or wanted to get on drugs, even when there have been drugs about. The connection we had was so strong I’m struggling to fathom why she’d want to throw it away, I am moving to NZ for a year in September but she didn’t say that was the reason at the start at all. She recently send these messages when I said ‘look what is your plan’ - ‘ I don’t really have a plan I’m not gonna lie, but I feel the exact same as you. After luke I said to everyone right I’m not having anything to do with another lad for at least a year and then we started talking and I couldn’t believe how much we got on and how close we have got, I don’t regret anything with you at all but then you are going away September too, I know that’s talking a bit too serious but I could see myself falling for you a lot and at this second I feel like maybe everything’s happening for a reason, I dunno, I honestly don’t know x’

Then after

‘ I’m not saying anything I just need to sort him out before I can get into anything again!! I’m sorry if you don’t understand that but I’ve never been that type of girl who talks to shit loads of people at once and shit like this! I’ve spent the last year with him he’s helped me get out a shitty place so I feel like I can’t just turn my back on him , I told you I’m not messing you about, if I was you wouldn’t even cross my mind but you have..’

And the last
But seriously we got on so fucking well and I was so happy, but maybe this has all happened for a reason, because no way would I have ever got on with someone this soon like we have so I’m just starting to feel like maybe I would’ve got so hurt, you don’t wanna be here and I do, I don’t know it’s kind of fucking with my head a lot‘

And the last

‘ But seriously we got on so fucking well and I was so happy, but maybe this has all happened for a reason, because no way would I have ever got on with someone this soon like we have so I’m just starting to feel like maybe I would’ve got so hurt, you don’t wanna be here and I do, I don’t know it’s kind of fucking with my head a lot’
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 12 days ago.

It sounds like she really needs time to work things out, and at the moment I think the best thing you can do is just to leave it there, and concentrate on yourself and your plans. I hope that helps.

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 12 days ago.

I hope you are satisfied with my assistance. If so, please take the time to rate your satisfaction with my response at this time.