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Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7715
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My partner of 7 years says he is questioning our

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My partner of 7 years says he is questioning our relationship and says he doesn't know whether he loves me anymore
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: We met while we were travelling and working abroad which means that our relationship was either together all the time or completely separate we have been all over the world and done so many things together but at times money would become a big issue this year we had plans of returning to Thailand in mid November for him to finish his scuba diving course but due to lack of funds it doesn't look like we are able to go just yet on top of that he was worried about job and the fact that he has a credit card which needs paying off there is also a girl that goes to the gym that fancies him and although he hasn't been flirting with her she hasn't got the hint and continues to message him about 3 weeks ago he said he needs space and time to think so on the weekend he is planning on moving out for a while to try and gather his thoughts
Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: Don't think so
Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Is this all a bad sign and does this mean that it's over?

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful and painful situation.

The reality you have described here about your relationship is indeed very concerning since it shows how this long term relationship has severely suffered because of your partner's behaviors whenever he faced financial challenges, thus, how the integrity and quality of your relationship has depended on how satisfied or not he has felt financially.

Now he is leaving you for the same reasons besides you knowing about other woman from the gym that he says he does not care about. What I see from your story, is that this person's actions do not show he has you as a priority and truly cares about you or your feelings, but makes choices for his life based on what seems more convenient to his ego. This is why I do not believe this person is good for you the way he has been so far. Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
I understand how you have gotten this impression but he hasn't said that it is anything to do with money that was just from my point of view

I see, then from your point of view, all the times that in these years you/he had financial problems, your relationship has suffered, and now he is also telling you that he is distressed because of credit card debt, job, lack of money to travel and complete his sport's course, and the girl fro the gym, and because of all of that he needs to leave to think about your relationship right?

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
Well aside from the girl at the gym it was a perfect storm he lost his car, his hours were cut, he has debt, he is unable to do his course, we are in an environment where we are living and working together (at my dad's place/restaurant) which meant that we were trapped in a bedroom when we weren't working the girl at the gym is more of a thorn in the side of this situation, annoying and irritating but not the cause he's had interest from others in the past 7 years so usually we laugh it off and then they give up

I see.

Then he has been facing significant stress form all these situations and feels it is better for him to leave to feel better and work on them.

Customer: replied 6 months ago.
He said that him leaving doesn't mean he's leaving me he said its been a long time and he doesn't want to just throw the towel in without knowing 100% he said he's definitely still attracted to me does this mean there is hope or am I just kidding myself?

No way to know based on your story. What I see is as you said your point of view with the issues you have described and I have commented on here. Only you know how real, and healthy is this person's affection and caring towards you. What I know is that physical/sexual attraction is a core ingredient for healthy relationships, but it must have a healthy and strong affection, excellent compatibility and same or very similar levels of maturity, lifestyles and same goals, needs, and expectations for it to grow and develop as a healthy and really fulfilling long-term relationship. If you believe you have built this kind of relationship, good for you, otherwise anything could happen..

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