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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5326
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He's

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He's never had a full time job/steady income and for the last 1.5 years has been unemployed, trying to start his own business. We dated in school and I fell in love but when we reconnected 4 years ago, he was completely different however the love was still there. He's an (extreme) introvert, I'm an extrovert. He has autism and we both have anxiety and depression. On paper, we are completely wrong for each other and we've been together this long because we love each other. For me, that's starting to feel like it's not enough and as I grow older and see absolutely no progress in 4 years, I'm not happy. My anxiety is worse when I'm in his company but I still want to be with him all the time. I am feeling like it would be the hardest thing in the world to end the relationship (it was the hardest thing I've ever done when we broke up in our teens). I think it would be much easier to stay with him for the rest of my life and be unhappy.
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: no
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Hello, it said someone would get back to me in minutes. I sent my message 3 hours ago. How long before I get a response please?

I am sorry to hear of this stress...if you read your words, it appears that you know what you truly desire and that is to not be together but your own fears, worries and anxieties keep you there. But its possible that will continue this cycle of depression and anxiety. What could be helpful is to see a counselor together with the goal being unwinding it all with kindness and also giving you both the skills to exist without the other one in the way you have tried for so long. I know how hard it is, but from what I read from you, it seems like you want that but are just terrified of how it all will be for you.

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Thank you for your advice. I honestly don't know what I want. He is the kindest person I know and would never do anything to hurt me (intentionally). I'd be losing him forever as I know we couldn't be friends and he's the most important person in my life. We can't afford couples counselling as he's unemployed and I work part-time - is there any other advice you could give?

I hear that he is kind but I also know that may not be enough to stay together as you are both hurting more. I would be open with him again and discuss that things don't feel right moving forward and you desire to end things. It won't be easy and you will feel lots of things but I hear your sadness being together. You will heal and you will feel strong again and you just may enjoy your life....

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I'm going on holiday for a week on Monday. In your experience, do you think a week away to clear my head could help me?
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Not with him obviously

Yes of course and it gives you time just to be with you....learn about yourself again, feel some joy and feel free....many possibilities before you...staying in something because of fear isn't fully living...and you deserve to live fully.

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Thank you. Do you have any advice on what would be the kindest way to end a relationship? What to say to cause him as little pain as possible?

There will be pain for both of you...that is inescapable. But you can let him know how you deeply care for him and have for a long time and always will but that you don't believe a relationship in this way is what you desire for your yourself moving forward.

Customer: replied 8 months ago.
Okay thank you Jen

learn about you again....there is someone wonderful in there!

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 8 months ago.
I've reposted my question as I'm interested to hear another perspective - you've been very helpful, thank you :)

sounds good. Thank you for the wonderful rating.