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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2007
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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I am having relationship problems with my boyfriend. I need

Customer Question

I am having relationship problems with my boyfriend. I need help with not being jealous all the time, which I always get upset and angry about and it’s getting to the point where he wants to end it all, I’ve said for so long I was going to speak to somebody and try and help with it but I’ve been too nervous too. But it’s getting out of hand and I keep taking it too far all the time
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: I am extremely anxious and I struggle to speak to people, so this is a big step for me to take to try and get the help
Submitted: 6 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.

Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I am reviewing your question and will reply in a moment.

Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.

So what makes you jealous? and why do you are so prone to jealousy?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
There’s a couple reasons to why, I’m very insecure about myself, I have no confidence so I fear a lot he’s going to leave me for somebody better. We work together as well, and he comes across as very friendly but what I see it’s flirting, and I get upset by it, but every time I explain that it upsets me and that they see it as flirting as well he gets all angry at me about it and we will argue.
But there is this girl who works with us, and she was known to have liked him, and she keeps messaging him via Snapchat, but he just says they’re only friends nothing more too it, when in work all they do is speak to each other and again flirt as well, i said as well I really don’t like that as he speaks to her more than he speaks to me, but he keeps turning it back on me saying how I’ve said about getting help before but I’ve never done it
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
He keeps telling me I don’t trust him, I admit I have trust issues due to past relationships I’ve been cheated on before and it is a fear to me about it happening again
But I do trust him he’s not going to do anything, it’s the girl who I don’t trust, he is going out this weekend with people from our work, and I wasn’t invited so I was upset about that, until someone asked me if I wanted to go so I asked who was going and she named who was going and she mentioned that girls name, so I got angry at that then and since that he’s told me he can’t keep doing this un less I speak about getting help
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
I suggest a couple things. One, he needs to quit snap chatting with his ex girlfriend of a girl that used to like him. Tell him you are not blaming him for anything. This just makes you very uncomfortable and he should respect you enough to discontinue it. Yes, you need to get help for yourself. You said you were going to do it, so you need to do it.. But, you both also need to attend couples Therapy. Yes you may have some problems, but he has some problems as well. You need to quit taking all the blame.. He definitely hears in the guilt. Does that make sense?
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I try to explain to him then he keeps going how I need to trust him and that they’re just friends, I’m always the one apologising to him and making the effort when he is willing to just drop everything we have over a little argument
He always asks me who I’m messaging and I’m always honest with him but when I ask him he will tell me to stop being crazy
I will suggest to him about both of us taking therapy, I’m always made to feel guilty when I say how I feel
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.
Don’t suggest it. Just schedule it and expect him to go. He is bullying you. You need to quit rolling over and letting him walk on you. Your opinion matters..
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Yeah, I’m always made to feel guilty for expressing my feelings and he’s willing to end everything over it, he’s avoided me all day in work he won’t speak to me whatsoever
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.

Can you tell me what you love about him. To be honest with you, he does not sound very lovable to me.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
When we don’t argue we are amazing together, until I see her and then I just get so angry and I see her speaking to him and they’re both flirting and laughing, I explain to him that the way I see it is flirting and that’s how they see it as well then he starts to say I’m trying to change him and that’s just how he is. It’s making me wonder if it really is worth trying to fight for this relationship when I’m the one who’s making all the effort for it
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.

I personally don’t think it is worth the effort, but it is only you can make that choice. As I said, even if it is innocent, it is disrespectful of your wishes.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Yeah, he still won’t speak to me at all, if anything I don’t think I can keep chasing, when he doesn’t make the effort for us I’m the one who is fighting for this relationship when he’s just laying back
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 5 months ago.

I hate to be the doomsday message carrier, I think you have done all you can do.