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Tori, Psychologist
Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 47
Experience:  Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
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I’m unhappy and want to leave my relationship and he won’t

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I’m unhappy and want to leave my relationship and he won’t let me
Assistant: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: I’m 19 and I’ve being been with my bf for 4 years. We kind of started the relationship very early and this was my first relationship too. We was perfect for 1 year, it all started when he first cheated on me and told me , I really didn’t know how to feel or to approach the situation cause he was my first so forgave him, After that situation we was great and I noticed he he getting more and more physical when we used to play fight but he always to take things too far, I told him that it hurt and he said sorry, and a week later we had an argument about him hitting me too hard then he got angry physically hit me I was so scared of him at that point , I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to get in to trouble and get blamed for it , after that situation I was never the same again. He done it couple more times, but I was too scared to leave but if I said that I’m gonna leave He’ll come to my house . I’m was scared, I was 15 at the time and that ruined the way I used to think about things . He made promise to never do it again so I stayed . He would asks me why Ive changed and how he misses the old me .
Assistant: Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: but now he is very verbally abusive calls. It’s been so bad that I’m so unhappy in relationship but if tell him , and say it’s my fault did the things he did to me , I really want to leave but I just don’t know how to.
Customer: replied 12 days ago.
And it has really affect my mental health
Hello,

I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.

Thank you!
Customer: replied 12 days ago.
Yhh I don’t mind waiting

Hi, I hope I can offer some assistance.

You are describing the typical pattern of an abusive relationship, and if he has has hit you, this is assault. You can press charges.

You do not mention whether you are living at home with parents? Or whether they are supportive of you? I wonder why you feel you would get in trouble for your boyfriend hitting you?

I would strongly suggest you contact Women's Aid for support https://www.womensaid.org.uk/. They define domestic abuse as:

What is domestic abuse?

We define domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It is very common. In the vast majority of cases it is experienced by women and is perpetrated by men.

Domestic abuse can include, but is not limited to, the following:

 

Partners such as the one you are describing, show a pattern of eroding the confidence and self esteem of their victims over time, the abuse will tend to escalate, and your support network will get less. They will almost always blame their victims for the abuse, taking no responsibility, and further eroding their victims confidence in themselves. These types of relationships are difficult to leave, because the abusive behaviours will often escalate as the abuser feels they are losing control of their victim. These relationships are not based on love, they are based on control. The only healthy way forward from a relationship like this is to get out of it, and first to ensure that you are safe and supported to do so. You need to talk about this to people that you trust, and know that you do not need to explain yourself or justify your decision to him.

Please let me know if I can offer any further assistance.

If you are satisfied with my answer your positive rating at this time would be much appreciated.

Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 47
Experience: Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
Tori, Psychologist and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you