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Tori, Psychologist
Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 47
Experience:  Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
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I love my girlfriend but our relationship is being destroyed

Customer Question

I love my girlfriend but our relationship is being destroyed as she does not trust me. She continuously checks my phone and emails despite me asking her not to, I offered to show her them if asked but she should not check them behind my back. She continued to the point where it locked some of my electronic devices for good. She will not let me see certain friends as she thinks I love them or they are trying to split us up. I’ve tried discussing things calmly, as when she gets annoyed she sometimes hits me or starts screaming.
When I tell her my concerns or some of my most personal concerns etc, she will often fire them back at me in the heat of an argument ‘I’m not surprised you got bullied for having epilepsy when you were young’ for example.
I have tried to ask here to go to counselling with me but she refused. I truly love her and don’t want to split up but I really do not know what else I can do. I am losing friends and my career has been affected so I am running out of ways to help this situation.
Thanks
Submitted: 7 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Site Moderato replied 7 days ago.
Hello,

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Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 7 days ago.

Hi, I hope I can offer some assistance.

This is a very difficult situation for you. With trust being one of the cornerstone's of a healthy relationship, without having an appropriate level of mutual trust, and being able to respect the privacy and boundaries of each partner, the relationship, as you have mentioned, can become prone to some negative, controlling and toxic behaviours as they are introduced into the relationship.

I have attached a link for relate, which might be a first step, and you can contact them yourself even if your girlfriend isn't willing to come along at this stage.

It sounds as though your girlfriend experiences some insecurity around the relationship, and this might be in relation to relationships in general. Without acknowledging and addressing these issues for you both in a healthy, mature and productive way the inappropriate behaviours you have described risk escalating, and further damaging and eroding the positive aspects of the relationship, as well as further isolating you from your friends, family and affecting your career. I hope you are ale to find the support you require.

 

https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/trust/our-top-tips-building-trust-your-relationship

 

Do let me know if I can offer any further assistance.

 

*If you are happy with my response, your positive rating at this time would be much appreciated.