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Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8503
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I would like to speak with a psychologist please or a

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Good morning, I would like to speak with a psychologist please or a relationship counselor
JA: The Psychologist can help. To begin, how many psychologist visits have you done? Were they helpful?
Customer: None, however I just need a professional support regarding an issue with my relationship, because I don't know how to manage something that I found out happened
JA: Thanks for that. How have you been sleeping? Any insomnia or other issues?
Customer: I learned it yesterday, and since I am already anxious regarding my university dissertation which is due on April, no I could not sleep very well this evening, I was waking up constantly etc, and have a terrible headache too
JA: Thank you so much for your answers. Finally, is there anything else in your medical history the Psychologist should know?
Customer: Regarding me now, however my father suffers from chronic depression
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
yesterday my boyfriend left his phone at home, so I snooped and searched his instagram because i had a bad feeling!I was correct, i found out he's been sexting and exchanging nudes with another girl,who is his cousins' best friend.Clearly she knows that he is in a relationship and the messages indicated that they've been doing that in the past too. On new year's eve i saw on his mobile that on facebook chat he has added a nickname for her ''My dirty girl''. I confronted him about, he told my she is only a friend and that they are only exchanging memes. Of course, he has deleted this facebook chat. What shall i do? Confront him that i know about it? The thing is his behaviour with my is extremely fine,so i dont know that to do and how to handle this situation, as my anxiety in already ''on the roof'' since my university dissertation is due on April. Their messages also indicated that they want to have sex when he'll return to Greece! We live together in the UK, and we are together for over 4 years. What shall i do? I look forward to hearing from you immediately. Thank you in advance

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful and concerning situation.

The scenario you depicted here is very concerning and would be shocking and very painful for most people in your shoes.

When a person appears to be very nice and caring most of the time, but engages in dishonest, disrespectful and manipulative behavior multiple times for a longer period, you would not protect and take good care of yourself if you deny reality, and unless you want to afford a relationship where your boyfriend is disloyal, then I do not see how your relationship could truly develop, grow and become healthy unless your boyfriend fully acknowledges his abusive and manipulative behavior, takes full responsibility for his actions, apologizes and commits to working on all necessary changes, otherwise, things would most probably get worse with time for you, not better. Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
I know, and I understand the fact that my boyfriend's grandmother died on 23rd of December,while we were on a trip, and they exchanged pics on the 29th etc, again on last Friday when he received a court claim and wanted some ''support'' and while we are at gym exercising. Shall i contact my boyfriends aunt and tell her the situation? What do you suggest?
Customer: replied 7 months ago.
I don't know if I am ready to confront him yet, that's why i am asking you so many questions,sorry about the spamming

If both of you are adults, I think most times, it is the two of you who need to address these issues unless your socio-cultural value and belief systems tell you to get other people involved when these issues happen.

Please do not torment nor push yourself. Your top priority is to protect and take good care of yourself, so to effectively cope with these and other issues.

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
The thing is i am finishing university in April, and i dont know if i can handle a break; besides that if he leaves i won't be able to pay my rent bills etc

That's why I said you need to set your health and well-being as your top priorities, carefully assess the pros and cons and implement a plan congruent with what you can afford based on your circumstances.

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
I understand what you are saying, but i am tormenting inside, because I love him and so does he, that's what at least his actions indicate. I honestly don't know if I have the power to confront him before finishing the uni in April,etc... What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Each person feels in unique ways, has unique values, beliefs, personalities, fears, morals, hopes, expectations, resiliency, weaknesses, and strengths, thus what could work and feel comfortable for one person, could be overwhelming or useless for another.

That's why I said to carefully assess your core needs and expectations set your priorities and based on what you are willing to afford, make a decision.

Based on your story it seems to me that this may not be the best time to confront him because of your academics and finances. Then I'd suggest not to push yourself even more now, focus on taking good care of your health and responsibilities, and once you graduate and can afford to change things, work on these serious issues, without denying or sugarcoating anything. And unless you believe, feel and want to afford telling yourself a person who loves you can also at the same time be dishonest, manipulative and unloyal, work on improving your views and ways to approach relationships, to ensure your health, happiness, and well-being.

Does it make sense?

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
I am incredibly thankful for your support and responses!

You’re very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state “For Rafael only” in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

Also, know that I provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss this in more detail or any other concern, and the best approach to work on it.

Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care.


Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Thank you Rafael, I really appreciate your help! Does that mean that I will be able to contact you in the forthcoming months too?

You are very welcome. ABsolutely. I am and will be here to support you as possible, either by this interface or by a private phone or Skype call. Just make sure you address your question to me, and I will reply ASAP.

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
I will certainly do!Again, many thanks! Have a good day

Thank you! Have a good day too, and please take gentle care.

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