I'm Dr. Jackie, a psychotherapist, counselor, and relationship expert. And I'm very sorry you are in a relationship where there is much arguing but little positive communication. Without knowing anything else at all, I can tell you that this is not a good sign. I'm not a negative person but positive; however, I won't sugarcoat anything for patients or customers because that won't do any good long term. Arguing a lot is not good. Now, discussing various points of view calmly and with open minds is a good thing and healthy for a relationship. But I can tell you that research shows the most satisfied couples are the ones whose core values and beliefs are similar. You don't have to be carbon copies of one another; but the more similar you are in your deepest philosophical and spiritual views, the better chance you have of having a long term relationship for a long time.
All of the above said, is it better for you to talk in real time or on the phone/Skype or just back and forth here even if we are not truly "chatting" in real time? For such a complex question, I'd recommend one of the first two. Like I said above, it's not just research results, but common sense and experience show that arguing a lot just isn't healthy or even productive. So my questions that would help me give you a more specific answer are the following:
1) How long have you been together?
2) How truly involved are your in-laws?
3) What do you want to do? What I mean is, I am reasonably sure in a perfect world you want your marriage to work, correct? But if he's not willing to change, then can you live with your life as is?
Here is the harsh reality: People do not change on their own 99% of the time. Change comes through some life-changing event--sometimes a near death experience or the loss of a loved one or some other truly traumatic situation. Or it could be an intervention such as counseling/therapy. Other than that, it's very unlikely he will change.
If your husband is willing to talk to you (you said he isn't), then I'm guessing he wouldn't go to couples therapy? If cost is an issue with him, there are online alternatives with certified therapists who charge all different rates. But if he isn't willing to go, you yourself go and talk to a therapist yourself because you need coping skills and someone to help you therapeutically decide what is best for your own mental health and future.
I'll send the phone/Skype information in case you want that. Experts on here can charge whatever they want. However, customer service often gives $17 phone calls and other promos that we experts do not know about.
Let me know please what you would like to do. It's going on 2 p.m. EST (my time). I have several appointments starting soon but can be back online here around 5 p.m. EST or later through about 10 p.m.