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DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 478
Experience:  I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.
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Im having trouble with my relationship, We have really big

Customer Question

Im having trouble with my relationship
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: We have really big trust issues. Hes has online affairs with people.
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: His family interfere in his life howevee he denies this
Submitted: 15 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Site Moderato replied 15 days ago.
Hello,

I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.

Thank you!
Customer: replied 15 days ago.
Yes
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 14 days ago.

Hi there. What can I help with.

Customer: replied 14 days ago.
Hi
Customer: replied 14 days ago.
Relationship is not going great
My husband doesn't like to discuss anything. He says sorry when he needs too, but that's it. Im always having to say we've got a problem or we need to talk. When we do talk there's an argument
Expert:  Nicola-mod replied 14 days ago.
Hello,

It seems the professional has left this conversation. This happens occasionally, and it's usually because the professional thinks that someone else might be a better match for your question. I've been working hard to find continuing a new professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're OK with to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.

Thank you!
Nicola
Customer: replied 14 days ago.
I can wait
Expert:  DrJackiePhD replied 13 days ago.

Hi there!


I'm Dr. Jackie, a psychotherapist, counselor, and relationship expert. And I'm very sorry you are in a relationship where there is much arguing but little positive communication. Without knowing anything else at all, I can tell you that this is not a good sign. I'm not a negative person but positive; however, I won't sugarcoat anything for patients or customers because that won't do any good long term. Arguing a lot is not good. Now, discussing various points of view calmly and with open minds is a good thing and healthy for a relationship. But I can tell you that research shows the most satisfied couples are the ones whose core values and beliefs are similar. You don't have to be carbon copies of one another; but the more similar you are in your deepest philosophical and spiritual views, the better chance you have of having a long term relationship for a long time.

 

All of the above said, is it better for you to talk in real time or on the phone/Skype or just back and forth here even if we are not truly "chatting" in real time? For such a complex question, I'd recommend one of the first two. Like I said above, it's not just research results, but common sense and experience show that arguing a lot just isn't healthy or even productive. So my questions that would help me give you a more specific answer are the following:

1) How long have you been together?

2) How truly involved are your in-laws?

3) What do you want to do? What I mean is, I am reasonably sure in a perfect world you want your marriage to work, correct? But if he's not willing to change, then can you live with your life as is?

 

Here is the harsh reality: People do not change on their own 99% of the time. Change comes through some life-changing event--sometimes a near death experience or the loss of a loved one or some other truly traumatic situation. Or it could be an intervention such as counseling/therapy. Other than that, it's very unlikely he will change.

 

If your husband is willing to talk to you (you said he isn't), then I'm guessing he wouldn't go to couples therapy? If cost is an issue with him, there are online alternatives with certified therapists who charge all different rates. But if he isn't willing to go, you yourself go and talk to a therapist yourself because you need coping skills and someone to help you therapeutically decide what is best for your own mental health and future.

 

I'll send the phone/Skype information in case you want that. Experts on here can charge whatever they want. However, customer service often gives $17 phone calls and other promos that we experts do not know about.

 

Let me know please what you would like to do. It's going on 2 p.m. EST (my time). I have several appointments starting soon but can be back online here around 5 p.m. EST or later through about 10 p.m.

 

Best,

Dr. Jackie

 

 

 

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