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Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6670
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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How long do you do no contact for when ur girlfriend wants

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How long do you do no contact for when ur girlfriend wants space?
It's valentines on Friday and I would love to see her
Hello,

I've been working hard to find a Professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right Professional can take a little longer than expected.

I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.

Thank you!
Customer: replied 10 days ago.
I'm OK waiting but would like some advice

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I am sorry to know about your distressful and frustrating situation.

COuld you please tell me if this is the first time this person asks for space, and what has she told you about what she expects from you during this period?

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
She told me she needs some space to herself. But I shouldn't feel like I can't text cuz otherwise it would do my head in aswell

If she did not tell you she does not want you to contact her by text, then you can ask her if she wants to see you this Friday.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
It's been nearly 2 weeks I've barely messaged her but they have been redundant messages when I have. But I rarely get anything back

Her behaviors are showing you how she feels and what she is willing to share. She asked you for space that means she is telling you she does not want to share anything beyond that in the present.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
How long do i give her space. I just want to know we're I stand with her

As long as she needs it and as long as you want and are willing to afford it.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
It's been nearly 2 weeks and no word from her really. I'm starting to wonder does she want to try work things out or not

When people want to work on things, they do not end communication, but they open and honest dialogue about issues, and how to support each other to make those improvements happen. It is necessary to work on personal issues affecting relationships, but not being clear about boundaries, expectations and not being respectful and sensitive about the other person's situation most times show lack of maturity, healthy affection, and unwillingness to work on building a healthy relationship.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
So your saying by her asking for space she's saying she doesn't want to work it out

I said that asking for space could be many times necessary for people to work on ourselves, but when the person also ends communication without being clear, open and direct about the issues affecting her, the boundaries she set, and the status fo your relationship, for you to be able to know how to effectively approach it and take good care of yourself, such behavior could be used as an excuse to push you away, since the person does not want the relationship anymore the way it is.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
I know she's not happy with the way things have been lately. But I want to try resolve that but I don't know the best way to go about it

Fully respect her, her boundaries and choices and work on yourself and problems. Then wait and observe her behavior, since it will show you her feelings, intentions and choices.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
I'm trying. I know were I went wrong I know what I need to change. How do I observe her behaviour when she is blanking me?

Observe her behavior does not mean control or change her behavior. Observing means objectively seeing what the person's words, choices and especially her actions show to you.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
At the moment there showing me she doesn't want to see me. I don't want to loose her but I feel the more time that passes the more she slips away

I fully agree with you.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
How do i show her I want to change and want a future with her without pushing her away further. If she won't talk to me

By working on yourself, if necessary with professional support, respecting her boundaries, and showing through your actions those concrete changes and improvements, without doing anything to disrespect her, her boundaries or choices.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
It's a hard thing to do when I live on my own. Do I consider this a break up or not since she's not actually said those words

Working on yourself means not only addressing and resolving issues that affected the relationship, but taking good care of yourself, and that should include not isolatign., but having/building a support system that is healthy, and making of your daily life something meaningful, fulfilling and empowering.

 

When people ask for space but do it in unhealthy/immature ways, their behavior shows they are not willing to continue with the relationship, but they avoid taking responsibility for breaking up or want to manipulate, retaliate, or control in subtle or obvious ways.

 

Please consider psychotherapy as the best source of professional support to work on any life issue, especially when feeling overwhelmed by distress and painful circumstances to ensure your own health, effective coping, and the best possible outcome.

I wonder if you read my last response and if it answered your question.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
What's psychotherapy? And how do i do that? Sounds like something that could help my mental state

Psychotherapy is the source of support where a professional carefully and skillfully assists you to explore yourself, identify core issues, understand them, process emotions related to experiences, develop insight and judgment, improve skills to enable your coping, communication, self-care, functioning, and relationships.

 

In therapy, we are supposed to feel comfortable, understood, safe and supported enough to the point of allowing high vulnerability and openness, for therapeutic processed/benefits to happen.

 

You should look for the professional to truly carefully pay attention and listen to you, confirm correct understanding, show empathy and insight about your situation, and offer some initial guidance on how to approach it.

 

They should clearly inform what their credentials are, as well as their level of training and experience treating people with the conditions affecting you.

 

They should explain their psychological and therapeutic approach. This means the types of theories and treatments they know about and use when supporting people. Some professionals work mostly with behavioral therapy, others have a person-centered approach, some work with somatic psychology focusing on the integration of body/mind, some could use psychoanalysis or neo-psychoanalysis. many would use cognitive therapies, or a combination of traditional approaches like it's the case with integral/integrative psychotherapy, which is, in my opinion, the most complete and coherent therapeutic approach.

 

They should inform and explain basic ethical standards, including discussion about confidentiality, its limits, and exceptions, and answer all the questions and concerns you may have around therapy, its process, scheduling of sessions, the therapist's availability and what is acceptable or not during therapy., setting boundaries and limits around the therapeutic relationship you'd initiate.

 

When you get an excellent therapist, they can help you work on yourself and make real improvements with the right tools.

I wonder if you read my response if it answered your question.

Customer: replied 10 days ago.
Yes I've been looking therapist up to see if I can get to one and afford it

Sounds good. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.

 

You can contact me using this direct link to my profile https://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/expert-rafael-therapist/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state “For Rafael only” in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.

 

Also, know that I provide confidential counseling/psychotherapeutic support via Premium Services, which is implemented via Skype or phone call, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss this in more detail or any other concern, and the best approach to work on it.

 

 

Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6670
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael-E-Therapist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you