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Rafael-E-Therapist
Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 8849
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I dated my ex for 4 years but about 5 months ago she broke

Customer Question

Hello, I dated my ex for 4 years but about 5 months ago she broke it off because she felt like she didn’t have her own space and I was too possessive and needy as a boyfriend, after we broke up I had to continue living with her up until 2 months ago and since then I have Been working on myself as a person, we do text a little bit everyday just regarding problems or something funny we saw etc, we have met up about once a week and had a good time together it was funny we both had a laugh and we don’t mention the relationship, in the most recent days since we hung out she hasn’t text me for the last two days and I know she isn’t too busy so what does this mean? Is she testing me or is she giving me a sign that even with my new self she doesn’t want me?
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: She is a very emotionless person when we was together she showed emotion but she can brush a lot of things under the carpet sometimes, She hasn’t got an idea of if we will get back together soon but she has said before and reaffirms the statement of I would be a perfect husband and she would love to spend her life with me
Submitted: 7 months ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 7 months ago.

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm carefully reviewing your question now and I am sorry to know about your frustrating situation.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 7 months ago.

You have been doing the right thing by working on yourself and the issues that led to the end of your relationship since that's the best and the most anybody in your shoes could and should do about it.

She has allowed you to stay connected and sharing, which is good, but again, you have been living together until recently, and now her behavior could mean either or both possibilities you listed, that she may be testing you and/or showing you that she is not willing to perpetuate this close sharing as it has been until recently.

Customer: replied 7 months ago.
Should i continue to wait for her response, I know that leaving It too late could be bad, I understand that I shouldn’t bring up the relationship and I want to be there for her if something is going on but how can I come across as a friendly and supportive but not so that she thinks I would be better as a friend,basically how do I avoid the friendzone
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 7 months ago.

Always respect her boundaries, even when you do not like them. Pushing something out of fear that she would go far away from you would not help but worsen your situation, so please focus on what you can and should control, instead of trying to control something that only depends on her.

Thus being friendly and supportive while fully respecting her boundaries, and if that requires not contacting or sharing more with her than what she allows, then that's it, there is nothing else you can or should try until she changes her approach.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 7 months ago.

I wonder if you read my response and if it answered your question.

Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 7 months ago.

Hello. I hope you could read my last response. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or to follow up, since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate support/answer, otherwise, the website will keep your payment but not compensate me for the work and time invested in answering your question.

Thank you,

Rafael