How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • Go back-and-forth until satisfied
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask JohnMichaels,MS,LPC Your Own Question
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2171
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC is online now

The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me

This answer was rated:

JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: I love my ex girlfriend but confused as to why we kept breaking up
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: no

Welcome to JustAnswer! Are you broke up with her right now? Who usually breaks up with who?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Me and my ex have been on and off since Christmas 2015. The relationship started off with trust issues but we worked through them. We would argue sometimes, and she was quite shy in front of my parents (I feel I should’ve been more patient). We split up when I moved to London and then she moved down soon after and then we got back together. We then split up again at the end of this year because I made a mistake and messaged someone else, she was willing to forgive but I was scared I had damaged the relationship too much and felt it was too much to move on from. I always think about her, we have a chemistry in the bedroom and I feel we could work through things but we’ve been round this course too many times I don’t want it to happen again.I’m the one that usually breaks up with her
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
we are broke up right now

It sounds to me like he keeps sabotaging the relationship. Why do you think that is?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I’m not sure, that’s what I’m trying to understand - she’s beautiful and smart

How old are you guys?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I’m 30 and she’s 29. In a period where friends are happily settling down and we’re messing around

Oh, there are plenty your age still single. Don’t let peer pressure caused you to commit to something you will regret later

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Difficult question, but what causes an ‘on off’ relationship? I feel like it’s me not being as loving and committed as I should be. I feel so much love for her when we’re not together but that falls apart after 6 months or so

Excuse me as I ramble a bit. When we begin life’s journey, we are given two checked bags and a carry-on to store all of our emotions in. At first it seems like plenty of room. If something comes up we don’t want to deal with, we just throw it in the bag. Eventually the bags fill up, though. And we have nowhere else to store our emotions. That is when we begin to act out on our negative emotions. I am guessing you have baggage to go through and old emotions to clean out.

Did that make sense.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
you think it’s due to old relationships that I am acting so fickle?

Yep, you’re afraid to commit.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am afraid to commit.. I’ve always recognised that. How do I help myself to commit and nurture a relationship? I want to be stable and progress but something is holding me back

I you do one of two things. You just tell yourself you’re going to do better in the future. You’re not gonna let old emotions control your current circumstances. You commit in spite of yourself. The other out soon is a little bit more difficult, but probably a better fix. You clean out your baggage. you deal with your past experiences and one heartbreak at a time. You forgive whomyou need to forgive. You confess what you need to confess. You grieve when you need to grieve. You deal with it and then you move on.

I hope that makes sense to you. PleasenI hope that makes sense to rate my response so I can receive credit for it.

JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you