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Hi, I wonder if I can offer some assistance.
Can I ask if alcohol is usually present in these situations?
It is likely that this is at the heart of the problem. How much do you both tend to drink alcohol, and how often?
You might want to have a chat with one of the members of AA. While generally most people baulk at the idea of having a problem with alcohol or contacting an organisation such as AA, it can actually offer some very helpful information and advice, and they have a chat line which is open at the moment. It is a very common problem, and what you describe could be the starting point of what could potentially evolve into a much more serious situation if not addressed. Generally if we are losing more than we are gaining from drinking, it is a problem.
You might also like to consider some help with anger management and addressing negative feelings and emotions before they escalate. I can provide you with an effective therapy called Thought field Therapy that you can do at home, and share with your partner to help release and manage negative feelings and help you to deal wit the situations and discuss things more effectively. It uses the same meridian system as acupuncture but instead of needles uses tapping of the meridian points in a certain sequence to release the negative energy of emotions and feelings, allowing us to cope more easily. I will attach a sheet here that you can try at home.
You might also want to consider relationship counselling to discuss these issues.
Do let me know if I can offer any further assistance.
For anger management you can try the Thought Field Therapy attached above. You might also find self-hypnosis for anger management helpful. There are many apps available for this, one in particular by Joseph Clough you might find helpful, which has a number of tracks, about 40 mins each, and some around anger management, stress etc.
If you have never considered hypnotherapy, it is a gentle, subltle therapy that helps us to access the subconscious mind, and make positive changes to our automatic protective behaviours, such as anger. The subconscious mind has two purposes, to make things/behaviours easier for us as they become more habitual, so that we don't have to keep thinking about what to do, and also to keep us safe.
All behaviours, even those we are not particularly happy about, have a positive intention, and usually to protect us or keep us safe in some way. Unfortunately, sometimes the behaviours or words we use to do this can actually make things worse, and so rather than protecting us they make us less safe, such as trying to protect ourselves from a partner's words, by using violence or aggression. The intention is to protect ourselves, but the result is the opposite. By working with this deeper part of our mind, we can make positive changes, to allow reason, calm and better judgement to be the automatic response more easily, if that makes sense?
Do let me know if I can offer any further assistance...
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