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Tori, Psychologist
Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 339
Experience:  Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
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I feel my relationship is on thin water once a month me and

Customer Question

I feel my relationship is on thin water once a month me and my partner have a argument and 3 times I became aggressive and so has my girlfriend. I need so help pleaee
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: I met my fiancée 2 year ago and everything was perfect we laughed made each other smile we was untouchable the amount of love we had for each other. We went to Benidorm last year and I had a drink became violent and it was totally out of character from me. I really thought i was going to lose her but we managed to sort things out everything was perfect for months and then after Xmas week moved house and about the 2nd week if moving we argued again and this time my partner put her hands round my throat and I just laughed. Once again we sorted it out. Then 2 weeks ago we argued again and this time I pushed her and punched a work survive. This is totally out of character from me as I’ve never done this in a relationship before. We sat and spoke about this and we are both hot headed people but when we argue we clash. We don’t argue slot but when we do it’s starting to get bad. Last Sunday my party’s got very drunk and brought up that I’ve got aggressive towards her and I strangled her and that’s not the case she strangled me. And she not forgiving me at all and I feel she driving me away but when I speak to her does she want me to leave she don’t want me to. I have been trying my hardest to be the better man and she said my relationship won’t be sorted until I get councilng but I feel I’m not the only one who needs it. I love this woman with all my heart and I know what I done on holiday was bad and I can’t even forgive myself for what happened. I just want our relationship to be happy and in love again
JA: Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: No
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Site Moderato replied 1 year ago.

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
please bcuz it’s starting to make me depressed as my partners she getting very aggressive with her words towards me. Thank you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I wonder if I can offer some assistance.

Can I ask if alcohol is usually present in these situations?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
every time it’s happen it’s Been when we’ve gone out and had a lot of alcohol
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

It is likely that this is at the heart of the problem. How much do you both tend to drink alcohol, and how often?

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

You might want to have a chat with one of the members of AA. While generally most people baulk at the idea of having a problem with alcohol or contacting an organisation such as AA, it can actually offer some very helpful information and advice, and they have a chat line which is open at the moment. It is a very common problem, and what you describe could be the starting point of what could potentially evolve into a much more serious situation if not addressed. Generally if we are losing more than we are gaining from drinking, it is a problem.

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

You might also like to consider some help with anger management and addressing negative feelings and emotions before they escalate. I can provide you with an effective therapy called Thought field Therapy that you can do at home, and share with your partner to help release and manage negative feelings and help you to deal wit the situations and discuss things more effectively. It uses the same meridian system as acupuncture but instead of needles uses tapping of the meridian points in a certain sequence to release the negative energy of emotions and feelings, allowing us to cope more easily. I will attach a sheet here that you can try at home.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think it’s more to do with anger management to be honest more than AA
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

You might also want to consider relationship counselling to discuss these issues.

Do let me know if I can offer any further assistance.

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

For anger management you can try the Thought Field Therapy attached above. You might also find self-hypnosis for anger management helpful. There are many apps available for this, one in particular by Joseph Clough you might find helpful, which has a number of tracks, about 40 mins each, and some around anger management, stress etc.

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

If you have never considered hypnotherapy, it is a gentle, subltle therapy that helps us to access the subconscious mind, and make positive changes to our automatic protective behaviours, such as anger. The subconscious mind has two purposes, to make things/behaviours easier for us as they become more habitual, so that we don't have to keep thinking about what to do, and also to keep us safe.

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

All behaviours, even those we are not particularly happy about, have a positive intention, and usually to protect us or keep us safe in some way. Unfortunately, sometimes the behaviours or words we use to do this can actually make things worse, and so rather than protecting us they make us less safe, such as trying to protect ourselves from a partner's words, by using violence or aggression. The intention is to protect ourselves, but the result is the opposite. By working with this deeper part of our mind, we can make positive changes, to allow reason, calm and better judgement to be the automatic response more easily, if that makes sense?

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

Do let me know if I can offer any further assistance...

Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 1 year ago.

If you are satisfied with my help today, do please consider a positive rating.