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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5257
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
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I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and I

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I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and I love her a lot but I can't handle anymore her insecurities, recently I discovered that she had a lot of issues in past releshionshisps, she was always checking my phone and even though she said that she knows that I won't cheat her she was still doubting my trust, She never understood that a man and a woman can be friends and I had some female friends that I knew for 10 years that I stopped talking with them, she asked me to delete all the female friends on Facebook and I ended deleting Facebook Instagram twitter all the social media apps, she contacts them without me knowing, all my friends were very supportive and happy for me , a few days ago she took my phone and went through it and saw a message where I apologies on her behalf to one of my female friends because of her messages,she send them 2 or 3 messeges telling them to leave me alone and bare in mind they are all in releshinships and happy and I told her many times that they are old friends and I dont have any interest in them I just know them for many years ,and she got angry that I didn't told her that I texted back but I only wanted to make things right ,I have not seen any of them for more than a year. I ender up leaving her place and blocked her but I still love her a lot and I believe I did try a lot to show her that I am a good person and I like to solve things and I will never cheat her and I still feel that she does not trust me at all
what should I do now?
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should be aware of?
Customer: She did kick me out of her house a few times because of likes on pictures from 8 years ago
I think you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to live long term. Yes you may love her but unless these issues are worked on within herself they will continue to play out in your relationship. You should never have to end friendships in order to satisfy your current relationship. it is not healthy for you and not healthy for the relationship or your friendships that you've let go. She could benefit from getting into therapy but again it really comes down to the simple question do you want to live this way because it won't magically disappear.
Customer: replied 3 days ago.
I did asked myself the same question numerous times but I thought that she will see that I am a good person with good intentions that only wants the best of her and this relationship,I did mention a few times about going to therapy with her together to solve it as a couple she initially said yes but after a few days she was saying that she good and don’t want anymore and felt that I don’t want to push her,she mentioned about her anxiety and depression and I offered again to go together to a specialist.

You are all of those wonderful things and I am sure she knows that too but unfortunately her issues get in the way of being able to function in the relationship without those fears insecurities and mistrust.

Can I support you further?

Customer: replied 3 days ago.
I will bother you with one more thing
After our last argument that I mentioned above where she asked me to leave her place, I was very upset and I am still at this moment, she used very bad words agains me that I have never used against her,I do not believe in arguing I always wanted to chat in a calm voice and find solutions to every argument, I have ignored her for the last 4 days and she did try to get in touch by all means even through email,I did not replay to any of them ,should I get back in touch with her and reply to what she wrote to me ?
Or wait a bit longer,I believe she thinks I am the one to blame for all this issue that she’s having, I still believe that the way she talked to me is not fair and her attitude was very bad that’s why I am still upset.
I am thinking about it every day that’s why I have been working for the last 4 days to keep my mind focused on something else
Thank you in advance

I think you can communicate with her as ignoring will not solve anything, but I don't see how this relationship works with the misplaced mistrust. So that is what needs to be looked at and addressed. She needs to do the work because her insecurities are playing out all over this relationship. You have given up friends for her...that should never be!

Let me know any additional thoughts.

If all good for now, please take a moment to click the rating stars to rate my support. You are not charged again for doing so but without it, I will not receive credit for my support. Thanks so much.

Customer: replied 3 days ago.
Thank you very much for your help

It is my pleasure. I wish you the best and I wish you care for yourself and she can get the help to feel better within herself to have a fulfilling relationship.

Thank you in advance for offering the rating.

Jen

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Thank you so much for the wonderful rating and truly lovely bonus. I am grateful. Be well and take care of you.