Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm reviewing your post now and I am sorry to know about your distressful situation.
I can see you feel frustrated since apparently you felt motivated about sharing more often with this person in the past months, and then distressed when you saw his radical shift after you were not able to see him as he wanted, right?
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Thank you for confirming this is your situation. WHat's your question about it?
My suggestion is for you to approach it being congruent with what you want and expect from this person. If you are satisfied and comfortable with the sexual relationship you have, adjusting yourself to his expectations, then no problem. But if that's not the way you feel and want you to want to afford for now and the long run, then you'd need to consider ending it.
You just said you want him to be respectful and fair. These are reasonable needs and expectations we all should have and ensure in our relationships. But you also have the right and freedom to please and enable anything you want. Either way, you will always afford the consequences of your decisions and actions. This is why I always suggest people start by respecting themselves, setting healthy and clear boundaries, taking full responsibility for their feelings, choices, actions, and their consequences. This approach empowers you and ensures you get what you choose to get.
Your relationship has always been a physical/sexual one. The fact he could be nicer some times and want to see you more often does not change the fact he does not consider you a girlfriend or anything but a sexual partner, and that he feels comfortable telling seeing you when he feels like that. This has not been about him respecting you or taking into account your feelings, or needs but sharing with you as much as he wants and needs, regardless of how you feel about that.
You understood it well. This is not reciprocal. He is satisfied with the way things have been between you, and he does not take into account how you feel, need, and want, but as long as you keep tolerating his ways disregarding what you need and expect, he will continue feeling comfortable and even entitled to keep things the way they have been.
To be honest is always a good and necessary thing, but when people feel comfortable being honest and insensitive, selfish, or hurtful those other behaviors are never a good thing.
It makes total sense, and that's why I always suggest people in your shoes to only tolerate an enable more of the same if you truly feel that's what you need and want, otherwise not to perpetuate such a pattern, which most times is very destructive.
Learn from your experiences, so you can improve your ways and only afford what you want to afford.
You’re very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.
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Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care,
You're very welcome.