How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • Go back-and-forth until satisfied
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5485
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach
64783947
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
TherapistJen is online now

Feel like i need to divorce, i feel like i need to, but i

This answer was rated:

feel like i need to divorce, i feel like i need to, but i feel too guilty to do so

Hi and welcome. I am sorry to hear about these conflicting feelings of yours. What has been going on in the relationship that has you wanting you to leave?

Customer: replied 4 days ago.
hi, thanks for response, many things. we started our relationship of on difficult grounds, my family did not accept the marriage, hers did not know, as they live abroad, its been 5/6 years years now, and we dated for 2 years prior, many things they she accepted about me in the beginning she no longer accepts, simple things,
Customer: replied 4 days ago.
i feel like if i do and change and compromise according to everything she wants ile be a different human being
Customer: replied 4 days ago.
i have compromised on way too many things to keep her happy and for the marriage to work, but i cant doing that

Then it seems like you have a solid grasp on what isn't working for you and staying means contorting yourself into someone different and I don't hear that you want to do that!

Customer: replied 4 days ago.
their is a limit, i think ive gone far and beyond just to try and make the marriage work, but i dont think i can anymore, she has also told me she loves me, but she is not in love with me, i think i feel the same way about her now. but i feel so guilty, she says i wasted her live and her time, she is reaching late 30s and says because i wasted her time and live, i should stay and give her a child and support her now on

No time is wasted when you were both in love and wanted things to work. That seems like a great use of time. Things haven't worked as you had both hoped but that doesn't mean it was all a waste of time. Stay true to what you want and need now.

Customer: replied 4 days ago.
buy why do i feel guilty

Maybe because you are listening to what she has said when she tells you that you have wasted her time. She isn't in love with you and you nor with her, so guilt doesn't serve you...try and let that go and figure out what you want for yourself moving forward with your life.

Customer: replied 4 days ago.
makes sense, i think as i still care for her i worry about her, as i would care for a family member or friend, as i have known her got a long time now and i dont want her to struggle or suffer, but yes for sure i am not in love with her anymore, whats the best way for me to deal with that guilt, as evey time i try to talk to her she crys, and the conversation does not move forward
Customer: replied 4 days ago.
or she gets angry

I think being in limbo keeps that feeling alive. Once you make the decision, whichever decision that is, over time it will lessen. It is rare to leave a relationship without a lot of feelings for both people.

Customer: replied 4 days ago.
thanks that really helps, whats the best way to communicate with her about this, as she just crys or gets angry? or if i manage to talk about anything, she acts like we did not discuss it, i dont want to just pack my things and leave, i want to be able to peacefully move on with her

You pick a quieter time and you express your feelings in a loving and caring way and acknowledge her feelings and how she is hurting and understand she might lash out, but if you stay true to your feelings and what you want, and only you can decide what that is, then you are doing all you can.

Customer: replied 4 days ago.
thanks, ***** ***** again to talk to her

Sounds good. I wish you peace and ease with all of it.

TherapistJen and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you