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Hi, I hope I can offer some help with your question.
Having read over your information, this does seem like a complicated issue, and while your husband is right in that it isn't all about you, it is very much about what is right for your daughter, and whether having a troubled 17 year old boy living with you at the moment, given that he and his Dad haven't seen each other for some 16 years, is something to be addressed openly. It is understandable that your husband may want to make up for lost time, but it doesn't seem inappropriate that he should do so in such a way that takes into consideration the needs and wellbeing of his now wife, and new baby, as well as that of his son.