Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hi, I hope I can help with your question.
What problems are you having?
What is causing you to feel down at the moment?
When we feel down, regardless of the circumstances or situation, it can be helpful to release the feelings to allow us to cope with the situation better, and respond better to it. A therapy which is helpful for this is an energy therapy called Thought field Therapy. This meridian therapy uses the meridian system of acupuncture, to release negative feelings from Your body. You can try it at home with the sheet i have attached.
It helps to rate your feelings of distress or discomfort on a scale from 1 to 10 before and after to note any shift in your feelings or experience.
Many relationships can be placed under pressure from others, particularly if they choose to voice their opinions, expectations or beliefs about the relationship from their perspective. This can be unhelpful, and cause those being 'judged' to feel as though they, or their relationship is falling short in some way. The truth is that the only opinions that are important are yours and your partners, and what happens between you, or how you show your love to each other is a very private thing between you. Whether he has proposed or not does not equate with how much he loves you. Many people propose, and get married who may not love each other that much, but may do so to please others, or fulfil the expectations of others. Other people never get married at all, and have long happy relationships.
How did your partner respond when you talked with him about this?
Corinthians 13: 4-7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I think what he is saying is that it feels that you don't trust that he is committed to you, because he isn't making that particular commitment, even when he feels he is committed to you.
Perhaps if you can think about what would be different if he proposed, what would getting married do for you, for your relationship, for your daughter, and for the relationship that isn't happening now? Then if you could put it to him in those words, trying to explain why you would like him to show you that he is committed to you for the long term? Is this about security for you? or meeting external expectations for others? Does it feel to you like the end of the world if he doesn't show that that is what he wants?
It sounds as though when you discuss this issue, because of the emotions it creates in you both, rather than share your feelings and listen respectfully ***** ***** others perspective, it turns into an argument, because you both maybe push back a bit. It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to get married, just not yet. But that you do, but partly because of the external pressure from others, and perhaps this is what he is responding to, maybe he wants to do it when it's right for you as a couple, rather than to meet the expectations of others.
Men and women do think differently. Have a look at the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".
This article https://www.theemotionmachine.com/how-to-communicate-your-feelings-without-becoming-an-emotional-manipulator/ shows how to communicate your feelings without it coming over as though you are trying to coerce or manipulate him to give you what you want, so that he doesn't then try to protect himself by resisting the coercion - pushing back.
You're welcome. Keep well and safe.