Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to support you. I'm reviewing your post now and I am sorry to know about your distressful situation.
Your story seems to show very clear issues, mostly about you having the need and expectation for an exclusive and committed relationship, and this person wanting the opposite, but still expect you to stay around him, what you seem to have tolerated and enabled since you always got back to him, regardless of his consistently keeping his same approach. Then he has been consistent and effective in persuading you into this informal non-exclusive relationship, and while you have ended it, you have also come back to allow/enabled it.
No, his excuse would not be valid since these are two different things, there is no incompatibility between taking care of a parent and working on building a committed and healthy relationship. What happens here is that this person has never wanted that and has consistently told you this, but you still have continued hoping for something to happen, and I do not see how such dramatic change could happen at all, since all of this person's words and behaviors clearly show he only wants to keep you around the same way he does with other women, and does not want any form of responsibility or commitment with you.
In my opinion, these person's words an explanation does not make any sense but are excuses to justify his selfish, even narcissistic approach enabling him to use women as objects and not as individual human beings. He shows very poor insight, judgment, and maturity in his ways of approaching it, and you seem to have significant codependency tolerating and enabling him.
You have been codependent and manipulated by this unhealthy/narcissistic person because of your infatuation. Please do not torment or devalue yourself, this is a very common problem, necessary for you to know yourself better, work on yourself, vulnerabilities and strengths, so to make sure you do not find yourself in this or similar situations over again.
You’re very welcome. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions since I am here willing and ready to support you as much as possible. Please remember to rate my service by using the star scale at the top of the screen.
You can contact me using this direct link to my profile https://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/expert-rafael-therapist/, you could bookmark it for easy access, and just make sure you state “For Rafael only” in your request, for other experts to know you want me to reply, and I will respond in less than an hour most of the time.
Also, know that I provide confidential psychotherapy via Premium Services, which is implemented via phone call, audio, chat, or video online, in case you feel comfortable with me and would like to discuss this in more detail or any other concern, and the best approach to work on it.
Thank you for your trust. Take gentle care,