Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
It sounds like your relationship is both verbally and emotionally abusive and I can see why you are hurt. These relationships are generally prone to disaster and the abuse does not end because the abuser doesn't think they are doing anything wrong or doesn't want to change. Your first step is to decide if you are leaving him or staying. You would then have to make arrangements to stay or go and do them fairly quickly. He shows signs of an abuser and uses telling you the right things when he fears you will leave. That is what abusers do. They make promises and tell you positive things only when they fear you will leave or after behaving badly. His desperation is also a sign of abuse. He is distancing you from others because he fears that you will realize that this relationship is not worth saving and dangerous.
You have given the stereotypical abusive relationship signs in your details. You have to protect yourself and your child. You should determine how and when to make the decision to go or stay. He will tell you what you want to hear when you start pulling away. His need to say things that are not appropriate or make you miserable tells you a lot. If you need a shelter for abused women there is one in every state. These relationships typically don't get better. He won't improve his communication or stop acting in a scary way. Protect yourself
Do not allow the manipulation. Stand your ground and to what you need. Seek out a new start with someone who isn't controlling. It is possible and you can start with a partner who is kind and loyal. It's okay to make a bad choice but don't continue the bad choice. You can do it. Your son deserves a positive example and you can still provide it
I will be back tomorrow
Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to answer your question. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful situation.
You need to start taking actions reflecting your expectations, thus ensuring you meet your needs, while protecting yourself and your child, preventing any further abuse, and manipulation. I strongly suggest you consider individual psychotherapy to work on carefully assessing your situation, coping with the challenges involved, developing an action plan to end this vicious cycle and implement it in effective ways.
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