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Ask Rafael-E-Therapist Your Own Question
Rafael-E-Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 9327
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I'm in a relationship with my sons father for over 5 years

Customer Question

Hi I'm in a relationship with my sons father for over 5 years at first he was fine but when my son was about 6months old he changed . he became very verbally abusive and would get upset if I went out with my friends without him. He constantly starts arguments over nothing and its almost impossible to talk to him about anything. I'm miserable in this relationship. When I try to break up with him he rings and texted 100's of times a day and if I don't respond he turns up at my house
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else important you think the Psychologist should know?
Customer: He is very belittling to me to and no matter how much I would do in the house he would have something to complain about if I got upset at this he would say he was only joking but he was not acting like he was joking saying it. I'm a good worker and keep a very good house
Submitted: 9 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 8 days ago.

It sounds like your relationship is both verbally and emotionally abusive and I can see why you are hurt. These relationships are generally prone to disaster and the abuse does not end because the abuser doesn't think they are doing anything wrong or doesn't want to change. Your first step is to decide if you are leaving him or staying. You would then have to make arrangements to stay or go and do them fairly quickly. He shows signs of an abuser and uses telling you the right things when he fears you will leave. That is what abusers do. They make promises and tell you positive things only when they fear you will leave or after behaving badly. His desperation is also a sign of abuse. He is distancing you from others because he fears that you will realize that this relationship is not worth saving and dangerous.

You have given the stereotypical abusive relationship signs in your details. You have to protect yourself and your child. You should determine how and when to make the decision to go or stay. He will tell you what you want to hear when you start pulling away. His need to say things that are not appropriate or make you miserable tells you a lot. If you need a shelter for abused women there is one in every state. These relationships typically don't get better. He won't improve his communication or stop acting in a scary way. Protect yourself

Customer: replied 7 days ago.
Hi keep feeling manipulated by him into staying with him . especially because of our son. I was in a very controlling relationship before this one .
Expert:  psychlady replied 7 days ago.

Do not allow the manipulation. Stand your ground and to what you need. Seek out a new start with someone who isn't controlling. It is possible and you can start with a partner who is kind and loyal. It's okay to make a bad choice but don't continue the bad choice. You can do it. Your son deserves a positive example and you can still provide it

I will be back tomorrow

Customer: replied 6 days ago.
I came in from work tonight at 10pm he arrived at 10.15 and within mins was starting a row with me about nothing I went up to bed because im working early in morning again plus i needed to get away from him and he started ordering me around to get my sons jacket and continuing to give out about nothing . he treats me with zero respect
Customer: replied 6 days ago.
Why do replies to messages take so long
Expert:  AlinaK-admin replied 5 days ago.
It seems the professional has left this conversation. This happens occasionally, and it's usually because the professional thinks that someone else might be a better match for your question. I've been working hard to find a new professional to assist you with your question, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected.
I wonder whether you're OK with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you.
Thank you!
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 5 days ago.

Hello, I'm Rafael, an integrative psychotherapist. I'm here to answer your question. I'm carefully reviewing your post and I'm sorry to know about your distressful situation.

You need to start taking actions reflecting your expectations, thus ensuring you meet your needs, while protecting yourself and your child, preventing any further abuse, and manipulation. I strongly suggest you consider individual psychotherapy to work on carefully assessing your situation, coping with the challenges involved, developing an action plan to end this vicious cycle and implement it in effective ways.

Customer: replied 5 days ago.
How long do I have to chat with someone before my money runs out and I have to cancel before I'm charged again
Expert:  Rafael-E-Therapist replied 5 days ago.

This interface is for you to post a question to get a general information answer. For consultations, counseling or psychotherapy, which only a few experts seem to offer, you need to pay for premium services.

If you have any questions about your account or payment, please contact Customer Service for assistance. Please, use the following link: There you can chat, call, or send a support request. Or you can email directly to *****@******.***

I'm just a user of this site like you, thus I can't see any account or payment issues, but the website's Customer Service should assist you, including refunds and cancel accounts.