Hi, I hope I can offer some help with your question.
You say you have been speaking and meeting for 5 years, although not always in the capacity as being officially together. You have not stated whether when you meet up if you are romantically involved, or just meeting as friends and keeping your interactions in this way.
He is changing jobs and is coming across as more secure, within himself, more confident in himself perhaps. It seems his developing self security is causing you to feel scared - perhaps his developing confidence causes you to feel that he needs you less? In a sense if this is the case, it may reveal that deep down you feel your relationship may be built around him needing you to feel more secure, rather than wanting you because he enjoys your company? I am just wondering if this resonates with you, because this can indicate a type of co-dependency rather than a healthier inter-dependence. You have mentioned that he used to be avoidant with everyone, not just you. Do you feel now he is less avoidant in general, or more so with others - and so continuing to be avoidant with you?
We need to look at ourselves and our own feelings of confidence and self esteem when we find ourselves feeling threatened by the growth of a loved one. In a healthy relationship we want to be encouraging and enjoying our loved ones growth, not feeling threatened by it, as this may indicate that we want to keep them they way they are because it benefits us, and makes them more dependant upon us, may even give us a sense of control over them, but as we can see this is not characteristic of a healthy and nurturing relationship.
It would be helpful for you to consider why you feel scared to ask where you stand. In a sense this is like saying I am scared to know the truth, because it will spoil the illusion that I have more with him than I actually have. But this very fear can keep you stuck. If you know truthfully how and where you stand with him, then you can make honest decisions about what you want and where you want to go next. It seems you may at the moment be giving up accountability to him - waiting for him to decide your fate. If you have feelings for him and want it to go further then what do you really have to lose by sharing this with him and being honest about this, and asking him how he feels to. Not knowing is just waiting to see if he doesn't or doesn't hold any promise. If it is not for you, and he isn't taking you seriously, then why would you want to go on waiting to find this out, would it perhaps be better to know where you stand.