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Tori, Psychologist
Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 325
Experience:  Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
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I’ve recently split with an ex, we are deeply in love with

Customer Question

Hi, I’ve recently split with an ex, we are deeply in love with eachother still as we have got together last few days and told Eachother how in love we are, back when we split she lost trust as I lied to her about money, she also lost her nan at the same time, the last week we have been meeting up and it’s great but she tells me how much time she needs, how do I help myself and give space
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: Just that thanks
Submitted: 8 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 7 days ago.

Hi, I hope I can offer some help with your question.

From the situation you have described, you split up during a period of stress when your girlfriend was going through a bereavement and at the same time you lied about money to her.

It sounds like this has damaged her trust in you, and so at the moment it is important that your focus is on rebuilding that trust. This will involve talking through why you lied to her so that she can understand your thought process in this and determine whether she feels confident that due to the repercussions from this, you would not be inclined to lie to her again in the future.

I wonder if she means she needs time to rebuild this trust in you to hopefully get back to where you were together before this happened, or that she needs time away from you.

It sounds like she is enjoying meeting up with you but needs time to rebuild this trust. This will simply take time and patience, and consistency on your part.

The trust has been broken in some ways due to a lack of respect of her, and therefore it is this respect that needs to be worked on - to respect her perspective and her feelings, so that you are avoiding only considering your own feelings and what you want from the relationship, but also considering hers.

Customer: replied 7 days ago.
She have told me the trust is becoming better for me, but she still don’t know how she feels when it comes to being with me, she have told me she isn’t sure, but have also told me she only sees me in her future, I just need to approach the whole situation by not pushing her away
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 7 days ago.

It sounds like you are able to identify with and understand her perspective. If you can continue to be honest and transparent with her, about your feelings also, without pushing them onto her, and in many ways let her take the lead in terms of the pace of the way things are to progress, this will be very helpful from both of your perspectives.

Customer: replied 7 days ago.
I just freak out when the pace is so slow and I know I shouldn’t, have you got any tips in how to deal with this?
Expert:  Tori, Psychologist replied 7 days ago.

To help to release the negative feelings of frustration, impatience , anxiety etc you might like to try Thought Field Therapy, it is an energy therapy recognised by the NHS as a complementary therapy. This utilises the same meridian system as is used in acupuncture but without the needles, instead you simply tap on the meridian points in a certain sequence while you are thinking about the discomfort or distress that may be triggering negative thoughts, feelings, emotions or responses.

It helps to rate your level of distress on a scale from 1 to 10 before and after using the therapy to note any shift in your feelings or responses. Used regularly, even daily or more, it can have a very beneficial.