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Tori, Psychologist
Tori, Psychologist, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 383
Experience:  Work/Coaching Psychologist & Therapist
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I have a question I’d like to ask, i have a question

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I have a question I’d like to ask
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Please tell me everything you can so the Psychologist can help you best.
Customer: i have a question regarding my relationship
JA: Is there anything else the Psychologist should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: no thank you
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I’ve been together with my partner for one year, and I love him very much, I’ve been faithful to him all the time I’ve been with him, I have a problem with alcohol abuse, and unfortunately I was out recently and had lots to drink by myself and got really drunk and later on went into a dating app for hook up , and watched porn, I did not hook up with anyone but I’ve talked to people on the app and planned to hook up, later o blacked out and slept , I woke up remember some things of the night and unfortunately my actions which made me very disappointed in myself, why did I do such a thing, why did I sabotage myself , I have a great regret and shame about it .
Customer: replied 17 days ago.
I’ve decided not to drink again and quit drinking because I didn’t like losing control of my myself , I’ve told my partner I’ve watched porn and that I’ve decided to quit drinking for good, and that I was disappointed in myself but I haven’t told him the other things as I’m afraid it will ruin the trust he has in me .

Hi, I hope I can offer some help with your question.

From the information you have provided, you have done some things that you regret, while under the influence of alcohol, and feel this had the potential to sabotage yourself and your relationship, however you have recognised that the issue is around alcohol abuse, rather than the relationship, or your commitment to it.

It is possible that by sharing these things with your partner, that it could undermine the trust he has in you, and while this might relieve the internal pressure you feel, regarding disappointment in yourself, it would risk hurting your partner unnecessarily, and may not be in either of your interests at the moment.

You have identified that alcohol abuse is the issue here, and it sounds like a positive move to address this. It may be that you might find it helpful to get some support to help you achieve this, such as a fellowship group as in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you feel your drinking is out of control, or you struggle to stop, even though you have identified that this may be the best way forward for you. The help and support of people who have found themselves in similar predicaments due to alcohol, may help to alleviate the negative feelings you are currently experiencing, so that you can identify with the bigger picture, and gain some understanding about your behaviours with compassion and empathy, rather than disappointment, and other feelings that can actually provide a catalyst for further alcohol abuse, without self understanding and forgiveness, and proactive action to address this situation positively so that you are not prone to repeating it..

Tori, Psychologist and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you