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Karamat Mahwish
Karamat Mahwish ,
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3072
Experience:  Clinical Psychologist at Government MTI Lady Reading Hospital
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Could do with help understanding my feelings. So I met the

Customer Question

Could do with help understanding my feelings.So I met the other halfs friends last night for the first time. We have been dating 2 months and it's been going extremely well. I've met her work friends too and that went extremely well. But last night meeting all 8 of her closest friends and I felt invisible. For a start non of them introduced themselves to me. Only a few even said hello. And nearly all of them left without saying goodbye. I had alot of awkward moments where I clearly looked lost and no one came to talk to me. One time 4 of us were standing together. My girlfriend, her 2 friends and me. Her friend offered her boyfriend and my girlfriend something but not me. I'm standing with them and I don't get offered anything.3 of her friends hadn't said a word to me all night.I don't know how to feel about the situation. It's very much I have to be on board with her friends otherwise the relationship won't work. I left feeling so deflated im questioning is it worth continuing dating her.I was under the impression that the friends should have gone out of there way to make me feel welcome. They're all extremely close and I'm the only new one. I hadn't a single decent conversation with anyone. I left for half an hour to compose myself but no one had noticed. It was a small house party confined to 1 small room.I told her her friends aren't very welcoming at the end of the night. I needed to get it of my chest. I have never felt so low in my entire life. It didn't go well, we didn't argue but it felt like she didn't want me there so I left. We're still talking but now it feels different.
Submitted: 14 days ago.
Category: Relationship
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
I told her her friends aren't very welcoming at the end of the night. I needed to get it of my chest. I have never felt so low in my entire life. It didn't go well, we didn't argue but it felt like she didn't want me there so I left. We're still talking but now it feels different.
Expert:  Karamat Mahwish replied 13 days ago.

Hello, my name is*****'m a Clinical Psychologist welcome to JustAnswer, Answers here are for education and information, and do not represent a formal treatment relationship. If you’ve any additional information about your question please write it here, please disregard any requests for phone calls, they are system-generated and not coming from me! Please give me some time to answer your question, and your patience is appreciated. Thank you !

Expert:  Karamat Mahwish replied 13 days ago.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts regarding your low self esteem with your relationship and especially last night party details well we all have times when we lack confidence and do not feel good about ourselves.

But when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it can have a harmful effect on our mental health and our day-to-day lives.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves.

When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us better able to deal with life's ups and downs.

When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical light. We also feel less able to take on the challenges that life throws at us.

What causes low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Our teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media send us positive and negative messages about ourselves.

For some reason, the message that you are not good enough is the one that stays with you.

Perhaps you found it difficult to live up to other people's expectations of you, or to your own expectations.

Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement, can have a negative effect on self-esteem.

Personality can also play a part. Some people are just more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.
To boost your self-esteem, you need to identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself, then challenge them.

You may tell yourself you're "too stupid" to apply for a new job, for example, or that "nobody cares" about you.

Start to note these negative thoughts and write them on a piece of paper or in a diary. Ask yourself when you first started to think these thoughts.

Next, start to write some evidence that challenges these negative beliefs, such as, "I'm really good at cryptic crosswords" or "My sister calls for a chat every week".

Write down other positive things about yourself, such as "I'm thoughtful" or "I'm a great cook" or "I'm someone that others trust".

Also write some good things that other people say about you.

Aim to have at least 5 positive things on your list and add to it regularly. Then put your list somewhere you can see it. That way, you can keep reminding yourself that you're OK.

You might have low confidence now because of what happened when you were growing up, but we can grow and develop new ways of seeing ourselves at any age.

Other ways to improve low self-esteem

Here are some other simple techniques that may help you feel better about yourself.

Recognise what you're good at

We're all good at something, whether it's cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we're good at, which can help boost your mood.

Build positive relationships

If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions.

Try to build relationships with people who are positive and who appreciate you.

Be kind to yourself

Being kind to yourself means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical.

Think what you'd say to a friend in a similar situation. We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves.

Learn to be assertive

Being assertive is about respecting other people's opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them.

One trick is to look at other people who act assertively and copy what they do.

It's not about pretending you're someone you're not. It's picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out.

Start saying "no"

People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they do not really want to.

The risk is that you become overburdened, resentful, angry and depressed.

For the most part, saying no does not upset relationships. It can be helpful to keep saying no, but in different ways, until they get the message.

Give yourself a challenge

We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times. But people with healthy self-esteem do not let these feelings stop them trying new things or taking on challenges.

Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion. Achieving your goals will help to increase your self-esteem.

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Customer: replied 13 days ago.
Well off the mark. I don't have low self esteem. I'm pretty confident. Its just this one night has really bothered me. Was it my fault. Was it theres? Am.i right in thinking basic hellos and goodbyes are essential polite things to do which can make a person feel welcome. Not being offered something even though I'm standing right there with them. Is that not wrong?Nothing wrong with my self esteem.Was I expecting too much?
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
I have met other people before and if I see they look out of place I try to make them feel welcome. Am.i wrong for expecting this from get friends
Expert:  Karamat Mahwish replied 13 days ago.

Well it was never your fault and the people who came should have the etiquettes and manners how to greet or see off someone whom you’ve came to. You were absolutely expecting the right thing and they should apologise you next time they see you. Thank you

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
Was I wrong for telling her how her friends meet me feel?
Expert:  Karamat Mahwish replied 13 days ago.

No you were not at all wrong please.

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
Thank you. That's made me feel much better.
Expert:  Karamat Mahwish replied 13 days ago.

You’re very welcome and stay safe.

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
I've tried explaining this to her but she doesn't see my side. Any advice for that?
Expert:  Karamat Mahwish replied 13 days ago.

Well she must have noticed this all and if not and if she had ignored this she should apologies to you on their behalf and need to tell them for future to be careful.