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Heather Bellizzi
Heather Bellizzi,
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 555
Experience:  Psychotherapist at Bellizzi Psychotherapy
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My boyfriend is addicted to. He smokes about 2-4 joints a

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My boyfriend is addicted to weed. He smokes about 2-4 joints a day and says it helps with his epilepsy. I myself have no issue with smoking weed as an occasional thing but certainly not every weekend or day. He has a number of Health issues and is also a heavy cigarette smoker. I'm concerned about his long term health and have done a lot of research into the effects smoking weed and cigarettes can have long term. Some symptoms that are mentioned in these articles are consistent with symptoms he has displayed. He doesn't believe that the weed is causing the issue and doesn't think he's addicted even though when he doesn't smoke it he shows classic signs of withdrawals. As well as this he spends most of his money on weed and often asks me for loans to get him through to his next pay check. I'm getting tired of it and I don't know how to bring it up with him without sounding like I'm mothering him
JA: The Psychologist will know what to do. Is there anything else the Psychologist should know before I connect you? Rest assured that they'll be able to help you.
Customer: No
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
I also feel as though he plays up how much smoking weed helps with his epilepsy to justify the amount he smokes but I feel like he's just making excuses and I don't know how to bring it up with him that I'm not comfortable with him smoking it in such high volumes anymore

Hello, welcome to Just Answer. My name is***** am an experienced psychotherapist here to assist you today.

Just Answer is a question and answer site only and we cannot evaluate, diagnose or provide treatment. My goal today is to understand your issue and answer the question you have.

I am sorry that your boyfriend's pot smoking is bothering you. It sounds like a difficult time for you.

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
It is, I'm at the point now that I'm wanting to move out of home and have more independence and have suggested to him that this would be a good opportunity for us to move forward in the relationship. He has expressed interest in living with me in the past, however I am not comfortable making that jump until he's gotten off the weed as he often spends his money on weed and then asks for loans off me to buy food for the week or pay his phone bill
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
I don't want it to get to the stage where I have to ask him to choose between me and weed as I dont know what his answer would be

Please tell me your ages and how long you have been together.

Remember that you are not asking him to choose between you and weed. You are asking yourself to decide if you want to be with someone who prioritizes smoking weed or not be with him at all. The choice is always yours to make.  I hope this feels empowering because it is meant to be.  Never let someone else dictate what you will allow or tolerate in your life.

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
we are both 23 and have been together over a year

Just to clarify, you are asking how to bring up your concern without sounding like you are mothering him?

May I ask what have you said in the past?

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
ive often taken a very similar stance to his mother and mostly agree with her on aspects of his usage and it has started fights where he has compared me too her. i mostly ask him if he really needs another joint, to not roll them on the kitchen table, that its bad for his health long term, that hes just wasting his money when he could be saving

I find that people mostly do what they want to do. If you have made it crystal clear that you do not tolerate this behavior and he has not taken into account that you feel this way, then he might not be the right person for you.

It is problematic that he is not taking your concern into his mind and making changes that support a healthy relationship. It seems more reason for you to focus on yourself, asking yourself why do you put up with this inappropriate behavior?

In order to continue, you might have to totally accept his lifestyle unless or until he is willing to change.  If you cannot accept it, you may find yourself parting from him.

You can certainly say something to the effect of "I would like you to know that I cannot accept or tolerate this behavior.  I am fully aware that smoking weed is important to you.  But what is important to me is to have a partner who is mostly sober.  And I have to concern myself with what is important to me. We are at a crossroads here and I would like your input about how we should move forward.  I hope it will be together, but I am aware that if changes do not occur, we may be apart since I cannot tolerate this lifestyle anymore. I invite you to put all of your concerns on the table so we can make decisions together about how to move forward."

Customer: replied 13 days ago.
i suppose i put up with it because i keep telling myself that it could be worse, that there are more harmful substances he could be using. he wasnt as heavy a user when we started dating and it dosent change his personality or his behaviour besides him being calmer. i wouldnt have so much of an issue with it if it was a joint on the weekend or special events. And im not 100% bothered by the fact he does smoke it, i mainly take issue with the things that are resulting from it like the lack of ability to save money and the already present illnesses
Customer: replied 13 days ago.
i feel like thats what hes not understanding. He gets very defensive about it when i probe about why he feels the need to smoke it as much as he does and what hes spending on it and dosent listen to the concern behind the questions he just hears me questioning his choices which ultimately leads to fights

You have good points.  I hope I have been able to validate your concerns and empower you to decide how you want to move forward.

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