Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counsellor for Answers ASAP
Hello, welcome to Just Answer. My name is***** am an experienced psychotherapist here to assist you today.
Just Answer is a question and answer site only and we cannot evaluate, diagnose or provide treatment. My goal today is to understand your issue and answer the question you have.
I am sorry that your boyfriend's pot smoking is bothering you. It sounds like a difficult time for you.
Please tell me your ages and how long you have been together.
Remember that you are not asking him to choose between you and weed. You are asking yourself to decide if you want to be with someone who prioritizes smoking weed or not be with him at all. The choice is always yours to make. I hope this feels empowering because it is meant to be. Never let someone else dictate what you will allow or tolerate in your life.
Just to clarify, you are asking how to bring up your concern without sounding like you are mothering him?
May I ask what have you said in the past?
I find that people mostly do what they want to do. If you have made it crystal clear that you do not tolerate this behavior and he has not taken into account that you feel this way, then he might not be the right person for you.
It is problematic that he is not taking your concern into his mind and making changes that support a healthy relationship. It seems more reason for you to focus on yourself, asking yourself why do you put up with this inappropriate behavior?
In order to continue, you might have to totally accept his lifestyle unless or until he is willing to change. If you cannot accept it, you may find yourself parting from him.
You can certainly say something to the effect of "I would like you to know that I cannot accept or tolerate this behavior. I am fully aware that smoking weed is important to you. But what is important to me is to have a partner who is mostly sober. And I have to concern myself with what is important to me. We are at a crossroads here and I would like your input about how we should move forward. I hope it will be together, but I am aware that if changes do not occur, we may be apart since I cannot tolerate this lifestyle anymore. I invite you to put all of your concerns on the table so we can make decisions together about how to move forward."
You have good points. I hope I have been able to validate your concerns and empower you to decide how you want to move forward.
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