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JGM, Solicitor
Category: Scots Law
Satisfied Customers: 12188
Experience:  30 years as a practising solicitor.
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M partner recieved the following text from his wife

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M partner recieved the following text from his wife , who he is divorcing, through his eldest daighter's phone ( she is 12). Can this be reported as abusive? His daughter read it on her phone.
See text below.
Really? Is that our agreement Ian? Funny that...yeah, funny seem to have amnesia about which days you have access to the girls when you choose to put your work first round visiting access to your children. (Refer to previous text). Yet, when I am unable to have the girls (which is very very rare) you wash your hands right off of any responsibility. You absolute disgust me and of late have well shown your true colours to all. I actually feel sorry and sad for you. I really do think you have lost the plot. I will be unable to take the girls back this Sunday and only available from 8am Monday. Please keep them or arrange care for them. For once take some ownership, small part time dad. Don't forget who started this Ian. You have made it very clear to all which way you want to conduct things..the hard way... Sadly, you FAIL to see, realise and understand the only people that are currently affected and will be seriously affected by your atrocious behaviour and accusations to me is Emma and Sophie. Trust me - this is not "emotional blackmail"as you always keep liking to state about. I am our girls main carer, I am with them 85% of the time. You fail to look at the bigger picture and continue to be such a prick and wanker with no consideration for the sake of our girls. You want a war Ian that's fine, you dad on, and do as you see fit. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is the girls will suffer, no threat, stating a fact, - easy way or hard way... You choose... Either is acceptable to me. Regards XXXXX XXXXX feel free to keep and show to whoever. I will.

Your advice would be appreciated

Added info: his wife has not been at home if we have been late back with the children leaving us to try to find a suitable person to leave them with. We live 100 miles away. In her latest solicitor letter she keeps reiterating that the drop off has to be no later than 6pm, yet in this text she is asking us to keep the girls until Monday morning (knowing full well my partner has to be at work 100 miles away at 8am on Monday). The above text was as a result of my partner refusing to look after the girls due to the fact that his wife only informed him on the Saturday night (via one of his girls. She wouldn't contact him directly). He did not want to have the girls be used as a conduit for her issuing her needs and wants. My partner did not respond to the text.
Thank you for your question.

It is not abusive apart from the language used near the end. I have seen and had to read many of these messages, most of which are issued in the heat of the moment.

It is wrong, however, to send it via a phone to which a child has access to. Parents should have each other's mobile numbers for the sake of the children, not communicate via the child.

Both parties have a duty to act in the best interests of the children and such a message doesn't achieve this. She is clearly frustrated at changes to your partner's contact with the children. Again this isn't necessarily in the best interests of the children either.

Both parties should put their feelings aside and try to get this sorted, by family mediation if necessary.

Happy to discuss further.

I hope this helps. Please leave a positive response so that I am credited for my time.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for your reply. I should have added that the reference his wife makes to him changing access due to work commitments is when he needs perhaps 3 times a year, travel abroad for about 4 days. He always has given her at least 7 days notice if his plans change, whereas she calls with less then 24 hr notice. She says that as the girls main carer that it is none of his business what happens prior to his pick up time at 6pm on a Friday and she insists they are returned promptly at 6pm on a SUnday - EXCEPT when it suits her.

Their 12 yr old daughter had the text sent from her phone, but the 12 yr old also saw it and has spoken of seeing other unpleasant tests her mother has sent her father. My partner has not risen to her insults as he believes it is best to 'keep your powder dry'. He is also dismayed at his wife's constant use of the children as conduit. Mediation has been suggested but he refuses to be in the same room as his wife. Their marriage collapsed due to her infidelity.

Thanks for your reply. It does seem he is in a difficult situation. Mediation can of course be done with the parties in separate rooms and the mediator going between them. If this isn't an attractive idea he does have the right to go to court to ask for an order and perhaps that is what this woman needs so that she realises that she doesn't have the right to dictate to him. Both parties have full parental rights and responsibilities.