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JGM, Solicitor
Category: Scots Law
Satisfied Customers: 12178
Experience:  30 years as a practising solicitor.
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My husband and i recently split up around 6 months ago. We

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Dear Sir or Madam,
My husband and i recently split up around 6 months ago. We have an 18 month old son, who was only 1 when his dad left to be with another woman.
My husband had contact with my son on 22nd December 2015, our sons first birthday. After that, we had a bit of a row, and then he made no contact, didn't Face Time him for Christmas, didn't ask for him at all. Then we agreed to attend mediation in February 2016. Contact was agreed, because i encourage a relationship between my son and his dad. Since then, he has been seeing our son twice a week, and even gets him overnight 1 night every 3 weeks so that it in keeps with his shifts when he is off work. His dad has been regularly coming to see our son, however, attends wedding that are often last minute, which are on his access days, and refuses to have our son on his satudays off, because he says that he "needs a day off". Reluctantly, i have never asked him to take our son on a saturday. At mediation, it was discussed that he would take him on saturday night, as he would have him all day sunday, so our son could wake up to him and spend the day, that way his routine could be adhered to. However, his dad thought it would be best to have him on the Sunday during the day, and drop him off early Monday morning, which then makes my son hapy and excited to see his mum, for me to go to work half an hour later, and not see my son until i'm finished. Which upsets him a great deal.
Yesterday, i messaged my husband to remind him that our son had a party that his dad and i agreed he could attend on Sunday. With it being fathers day, i thought it was only fair to let his dad pick him up after the party at 2pm, and instead of dropping our son back home to mine at 17.30 which is the agreed upon time, that he could keep our son overnight, even though it is not his usual time to have him over night. But with it being fathers day, and seeing his son later in the day, i thought this was a good compromise. Despite previously agreeing to this, my husband wasn't happy, and said that i had to keep him, but from now on if it was something on his day and he says no, then it's simply not happening. And that he didn't get to see our son over Christmas (even though he made no contact with him at all).
This is the 3rd or 4th text I've had from my husband dictating in an angry tone what is and is not happening with his son. In one of the other messages, he called me a dickhead and a very silly girl. So i thought i would have a few questions for you if you don't mind?
Is this seen as unreasonable behavior from myself or my husband?
I really do not want to go through courts to discuss access, but every time i'm trying to make a decision with is for our sons benefit, my husband is making it more and more difficult to talk to him. What would be the best solution for this?
I had previously spoken to someone who used to work in Family Law, and they advised me that as he has committed adultery, and walked out of his son, he still has rights to access, but cannot dictate decisions regarding his son. Instead we have to agree, and if an agreement cannot be made, then as a last resort it goes through the courts. My question is... If this goes through the courts, what sort of increased access would he get? If any?
Thank you very much, and i really appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions.
Kind Regards,
***** *****.

Hi Susan, I am a family lawyer in Scotland. Your situation is fairly typical and arises because the father thinks he should be able to say when he should have contact because he is the absent parent. However, he will have to come to terms with the fact that arrangements have to be adhere to in the best interests of your son and that will become more important as time goes on and there is school and social commitments such as birthday parties etc to content with. If you have tried talking, tried mediation and tried to reach an agreement then you are on your way to the court, unless you can engage a solicitor who will write to him and try to get him to see his own solicitor with a view to negotiating a formal written agreement. That would be my next step of I were you. In other words if you can't talk to him and get any movement then you will have to do this through lawyers. As regards ***** ***** of access a court would award him, that would depend on the circumstances, but a young child needs its mother and I would suggest that limited contact would be the norm, increasing as he gets older. That is what you were doing essentially and I don't see why that should be any different. Happy to discuss further. I hope that helps. Please leave a positive rating so that I am credited for my time.

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