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JGM, Solicitor
Category: Scots Law
Satisfied Customers: 12064
Experience:  30 years as a practising solicitor.
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One of our daughters fell out with my husband & I a few

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One of our daughters fell out with my husband & I a few months ago, now her partner has sent some messages to our other daughter making some serious allegations and accusations about us both, he has either implied things, or writes confidentally as though he writes facts, which is not the case. The daughter receiving the messages responded to him as such, but he replied with more allegations etc.
We are distraught at what's been written about us, the content is either untrue, surmised, or has been manipulated, and is critisising our parenting and grand parenting. It's making us scared to continue trying to gain access to our young grandchild, who until recently stayed with us for 2 years with his mum, and who thought of us as his 2nd & 3rd parents as we were constantly there for him and ensuring his needs were met as much as possible. We are wary with the way things are progressing in case this partner & our daughter stop us seeing our grandchild again, and also by what's implied in his messages as it's making us scared to continue seeing him in case they try accuse us of being negligent towards him. We are extremely distressed by his messages. We do not know what to do regarding the horrible situation we are now in, if it wasn't for our grandchild we would prefer to try ignore it all, although our characters are being brought into disrepute, but we are scared if we do nothing then things may escalate further, and they will stop him from seeing us again, as it is we are now wary of contacting again this week asking when we can next see our grandchild.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Scottish Law, we are unsure if we chose this option earlier.
We have been accused of being controlling, manipulative, nasty towards our daughter, her partner has stated that she only stayed with us for 2 years as our family home was the best place for her child at the time even though it caused her great distress being here, her partner has only been in a relationship with our daughter for less than a year. She was also offered council housing within months of moving in with us, if we were so bad why turn it down? And why not try for a different council house or private rental? She also came on 2 family holidays last year with us & tried to get us to book another one for just last week (but we were unable to do so) why would she do such things then accuse us of being so nasty towards her, we do not know.

I am a solicitor in Scotland. I have been passed your question which was originally posted to UK Law. Have you been getting regular contact with your grandchild? It sounds to me that the partner is stirring things up. Your daughter seems to want to stay in contact if she is wanting to come on holiday with you again. I understand your dilemma but you really have to protect yourselves from this character. I would give your daughter some notice that you intend to reply to his allegations as you consider them to be untrue and defamatory. Then you should prepare a detailed letter responding to the allegations, asking him to cease a desist from making such allegations and indicating that any repetition will result in certain consequences for him. Alternatively if your other daughter were prepared to answer that might be a little better especially given that the comments were made to her in the first instance. Either way it is a very difficult situation but you do in my opinion have to make a response in some way. You can ask your daughter who is his partner for her support in this with a view to him, her and you moving forward. If she doesn’t give you her support then whatever happens with contact to your grandson is going to happen anyway in my opinion and you may find that other steps, in th court, might be necessary. Happy to discuss further. I hope that helps. Please leave a positive rating so that I am credited for my time.

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
Thank you. I used the holiday as an example of how confused we are by all that's happening, she no longer would wish to go on holiday with us, she barely communicates with us. The only way we see our 3 year old grandchild is if we contact asking to see him, she does not contact us willingly, and that was only after keeping him from us for a few weeks, I sent a text to her after seeking advice on the matter & used the phrase 'significant persons' that was when she capitulated & allowed us to see him. However she appears 100% behind her partner in this. We do not know how she does this, but she has history in this type of behaviour as she accused us (mainly her mum) of similar things to our grandchild's dad (before he was born, but she denied it when he brought it up in legal documents after they split up, when the baby was a year old & she was fighting against him seeing his son etc). Our 2nd daughter has already responded to him & to her sister disputing most of the things he has accused us off, and asking her sister if she was aware of what he was accusing us of. She replied that she did, and that she doesn't tell lies. He however has wrote plenty accusations that are completely false to our other daughter. The family is in tatters. We don't know what to do next. But we cannot let this continue, as we are not letting this happen a 2nd time. We have had a very difficult year, during which we nursed our dying dog, and in which our elderly mum(in-law) health has deteriorated, it's now much worse & our time & energy needs to be caring for her, not spent with this lies & accusations. We told our daughter early today that we have been shown the messages he wrote. Her response was not apologetic at all, we then told her we would have to take advice on this matter as we unable to cope with it all ourselves. Are we best to write him a letter as you suggest? We barely know him & vice versa, so if we posted it we are unaware of his address only where he works. How would you suggest we word the part when you mention 'certain consequences', we are accused of so much when we do try communicate, we would be scared if he took it as some sort of threat?

Just to clarify. This character is not the father of the child? And he doesn’t live with your daughter?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
No he is not the father, as far as we know he does not live with her, the last we heard he stayed with his parents mainly but think he stays at hers a lot (she moved out into a rented flat 2 months ago).
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
If we write a letter, how do we know he ceases to spread things about us that are damaging to us both emotionally, perhaps professionally and that our daughter also stops this habit of doing this to family - who have done nothing but provide the best care & help we could for her & our grandchild since he was born, even knowing she had done a similar thing to us in the past, we stupidly believed that she may have outgrown this side to her else we would not have welcomed her back into our home for 2 years, providing for her & helping her in any way we possibly could, especially in regards ***** ***** care of the child.

Did your other daughter respond to him in writing?

Customer: replied 5 months ago.
She responded to him by messaging him via her mobile phone.
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
As that is how he contacted her.

Well I don’t think you necessarily want to do that. I see you have requested a phone call. When would suit you?

JGM and other Scots Law Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 months ago.
I am equally happy communicating here, but requested the phone call as an info box came up suggesting it was a better option, if you agree then anytime would be suitable.